Game Review: Shadow Complex

It's not often that an Xbox Live Arcade title grabs the gaming world's attention in the same way that Shadow Complex has. Not only has it broken records on the Live Arcade for most downloads in an opening week, but it's been picking up critical acclaim from just about every major games site there is. Frankly, if that hasn't convinced you yet, then why you're reading the opinion of a no-name amateur with sub-par grammar is beyond me - especially since I'm probably just going to end up echoing everything they've said anyway.

Shadow Complex begins with Jason Flemming (voiced by Nolan North, who seems to be an obligatory inclusion in pretty much any video game these days) and his girlfriend Claire spontaneously exploring some caverns while on a backpacking trip, when they accidentally stumble upon a huge underground military complex. When Claire is captured, Jason is forced to put his convenient military training to use in order to infiltrate the base and rescue her. It has all the outline of a generic action plot but the characters - both the reluctantly patriotic Jason and the increasingly ambiguous Claire - and a sharp, witty script help make Shadow Complex that little bit more interesting than the standard video game story.

It's not long before every-man Jason has mastered the all-American hero strut

Gameplay is a little bit different, too. It's based on classic side-scrolling shooters (Super Metroid, Castlevania and the like), but the environment is 3D. So, while you can only move in two dimensions, enemies can appear anywhere in a level. It's an interesting twist on a classic concept that Shadow Complex pulls off almost perfectly - aiming can be a little frustrating sometimes, but the auto-aim compensates for that most of the time - and having this fresh challenge is something that anyone who tries this game will surely appreciate.

Failing guns, there's always the opportunity to just kick people in the face

Something else you're bound to appreciate is just how good Shadow Complex looks. Graphics are superb and Shadow Complex could easily itself off as an early full-price 360 game, but the real surprise is how varied the environments are. Inside the huge underground complex there are caves, warehouses, bright white corridors from the Tantive IV and underground lakes and rivers, which makes exploring and even backtracking through the complex really engaging, as well as allowing for loads of different situations.

To get you through these increasingly tough situations is a selection of guns - you'll start off finding a simple pistol and end up brandishing a giant shotgun of the future - and some incredibly cool gadgets, which you'll start picking up fairly early on in the game. Starting with the jetpack, you'll gradually come across scuba gear, grappling hooks and - probably best of all - speed boots that let you smash the speed barrier and run up walls. The constant access to new items mean that, as well as giving you the excuse to go back through the map and solve old puzzles with your new found skills, combat is constantly given new dimensions; why take cover behind a box when you can thrust yourself into the air and shoot a live grenade in their mouth? Most importantly, however, is the simple torch that you start with. Aside from being used to illuminate dark caves and vents, it also shows hidden areas and how to access them - for example, if a vent cover glows orange then you can shoot your way through - which can result in all kinds of rewards if you're patient enough to pour over the entire complex.

Why yes, he is running on water. Why are you still reading?

The only niggling issue with Shadow Complex (besides the aiming) is the fairly rubbish bosses, all of which have a suitably impressive introduction that is match by their complete ineptness to create the kind of challenge that a boss fight should. Either they're entirely predictable - just find the incredibly obvious weak spot and spam grenades until it blows up - or it's just ridiculously easy. There are even some bosses that can be killed while they're off screen, just by back-pedalling until they're out of sight and then shooting in their general direction. Maybe it's because we're so used to games like this, or maybe it's because I'm soft and was only playing it on normal difficulty, but they just seemed far too easy and obvious. Still, this is just a niggling issue, and when the rest of Shadow Complex is as brilliant as it is you really shouldn't be put off by it.

All things considered, Shadow Complex is definitely worth your time. Fast paced, great looking and full of cool gadgets, for only 1200 Microsoft points you're getting one of the best games that's been released so far this year on the 360. See, told you I'd be saying the same as everyone else.

Film Review: G.I.: Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Now that Hollywood is running out of comic book characters for it's summer action blockbusters it's time for toys to take their place on the big screen, and following Transformer's box office success toy giants Hasbro have decided to give G.I.: Joe it's cinema debut in The Rise of Cobra. But with an all star cast including someone from an Amanda Bynes film, that pretty girl from the new Hugo Boss adverts and Marlon Wayans (I know, my heart sank when I found out he was in films as well), it wasn't looking particularly promising.

Things start off in 1641 - it just wouldn't be a proper toy franchise film without a hastily explained and completely irrelevant back story now, would it? - as the lead villain's great-great-great-great-granddad Klan McCullen is punished for selling weapons to both sides of a war. Then time accelerates a few hundred years to the near future where the nefarious James McCullen (Christopher Eccleston, the only face you'll recognise during the film which isn't just a five second cameo) is developing weapons of his own, while simultaneously planning to take over the world. As you do.

These weapons end up in the hands of the incredibly responsible US Military, led by All-American hero Duke (who is unintentionally referred to as "Dook" throughout the film, which is mildly hilarious) and his allegedly comic relief sidekick Ripcord. It's not long before they're ambushed by McCullen's Cobra soldiers, led by Sienna Miller in skin-tight black leather (I can hear you booking the tickets already), who try to steal the weapons back (which just makes you wonder why they sold the weapons in the first place) and it's not long before they're ambushed by G.I.: Joe (who isn't just one G.I called Joe, but a whole bunch of people collectively known as "Joes". I'm confused too). After the Joes have routed Cobra with their superior CGI they whisk Dook and Ripcord to their super secret base where they're recruited into the elite team.

That's about twenty minutes of the film and you can probably guess where it goes from there - Cobra get weapons again, shit hits fan, Joes save day, Dook gets girl, credits roll, The End - but since this is an action blockbuster based on an action figure it's probably a bit harsh to slate it for being predictable. But it isn't too harsh to slate it for all the pointless back story it ham-handedly tries to weave in inbetween all the CGI explosions and black leather. Having one back story - like the one explaining Doctor Who's motivation for world domination - is forgiveable, but there's one for every other character. As if we need an explanation for why the black ninja doesn't like the white ninja. They're different colours, we just fucking accept it.

There is a bunch of other stuff wrong with G.I.: Joe but it's not as if I need to spell it out for you, just think of pretty much anything that could be wrong with an action blockbuster and the chances are that it'll be wrong with G.I.: Joe. But there's always the slightest hint that everything it does is a little tongue-in-cheek, as if director Stephen Sommers knew that turning G.I.: Joe into a decent action flick was next to impossible so decided to screw it up completely for poops and giggles, giving G.I.:Joe a distinct Team America feel. It even goes as far as to replicate the opening scene, where the good guys inadvertently destroy most of Paris before bewilderedly questioning why everyone is so annoyed at them. It's a shame they couldn't include the sing-a-long about AIDs, though.

I suppose how much you enjoy G.I.: Joe: The Rise of Cobra will depend on how you watch it. As a stock action film it's mildly entertaining, and as a completely piss-take it's slightly genius. Just don't try watching it from a discerning, critical perspective because then, obviously, it's absolute rubbish. But people with discerning, critical perspectives shouldn't watch films like G.I.: Joe anyway.


...


AND NOW YOU KNOW

AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE

GEEEEE AAAAAAYEEEEEE JOOOOOOOOOOOE

TV Review: You Have Been Watching

Charlie Brooker, the cynical and seemingly sociopathic mind behind BBC4's excellent Screenwipe, has gone all mainstream in his latest television foray on, er, television with new Channel 4 quiz show 'You Have Been Watching' - where Brooker quizzes three guests on recent weeks television to test their knowledge, creativity and punch lines. Half way into the series' eight week run, how is Brooker coping under the heat of the studio lights?

You Have Been Watching seemed to have a winning formula. Brooker quizzing various comedians (and, for some bizarre yet obligatory reason, Jamelia) were amusing enough, while his own Screenwipe-esque segments were still as funny as they were when it was just him sitting alone in a darkened room (even if there were fewer words bleeped out). But for some reason, which has become increasingly obvious as the series has dragged on, this doesn't quite seem to work.

One reasons for this could be the guests, who all seem a little mismatched. Obviously the inclusion of Jamelia in the opening episode was a little odd, but even the likes of Frankie Boyle and Reece Shearsmith - people with the kind of dark humour that you'd think would match up well with the likes of Brooker - somehow feel out of place and awkward with each other and the host, almost as if they're worried about being too funny in case they accidentally upstage Brooker and he bites off their heads in retaliation. Which is a completely unfounded fear, as his neck isn't nearly long enough to reach the far end of the set.

But the main problem seems to be Brooker himself who has become increasingly awkward with both the audience and the guests as the series has gone on, and seems unable to develop any kind of rapport with either. This was most obvious during the third episode; while Brooker jokingly berated the three guests they sat gawping in confusion, like school students being yelled at by a new substitute teacher, with the whole thing followed by hesitant applause from an audience who were clearly so dumbfounded by the speech they'd forgotten to read the big red "applause" sign dangling from the studio rafters. Maybe that's the point, maybe Brooker - a man who who often referred to himself as misanthropic - is maintaining an awkward atmosphere as a private joke between him and the producers. It's just a shame nobody else gets to laugh.

That said, You Have Been Watching is still good for a few laughs, just not quite as many as you'd have expected after watching the likes of Screen and Newswipe. What made those shows funny is still there, it just lacks the harsh, brash language that made them both so much more entertaining. As for his newly chosen format, so far it's unconvincing. The guests and flashy set just get in the way of what everyone actually wants to see; Brooker sitting alone in a darkened room vocalising his hatred and making jokes about bums. Maybe I'll dig out a couple of old Screenwipe episodes tomorrow night instead.

You Have Been Watching is on at 10pm, Tuesdays nights on Channel 4.

Game Review: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

The video game adaptation of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen never really looked like it was going to be any good. Never mind the fact that it's a movie tie-in, but the developer and publisher history - practically non-existent and shamelessly corporate respectively - didn't exactly fill anyone with optimism. Still, so long as it sticks to the premise of giant robots transforming into sports cars and planes and kicking the crap out of each other it can't be all bad, right?

The good news is that Revenge of the Fallen does just that. In both single and multiplayer you'll play as either Autobots or Decepticons, and roam around small areas of Japan, America, Egypt and wherever else scrapping with other giant robots. With a decent sized arsenal of weapons and vehicles, there's enough here to keep the novelty fresh for a good couple of hours. Although once that novelty wears off, it all starts going rapidly downhill.

The first thing you'll notice is the controls, which are all over the place. The developers have tried to find a system that allows you to quickly transform between the three modes - weapons, vehicles and movement (allowing you to scale buildings as your chosen Transformer) - but in doing so have come up with an overly complicated and fiddly system. Let's say your driving down the road in vehicle mode (so holding down the right trigger), and you see an enemy on top of a building. If you want to take a shot at them you have to let go of the right trigger to exit vehicle mode, hold down the left trigger to go into weapons mode, turn around to target the enemy, choose which weapon you want to use with the left or right bumpers, and then fire on them with the right trigger. How complicated is that? Considering the d-pad isn't being used for anything and would be a much simpler way of switching between them, developers Luxoflux have made what could have been a simple system needlessly intricate and irritating to grasp.

While Revenge of the Fallen does stick to the giant mechanical brawl idea instead of dithering about with awkward teenage romance (I know you're probably not reading this Mr Bay, but take notes if you are), in the single player it will become very tedious, very quickly. The option to choose between playing as Decepticons or Autobots is appreciated, but ultimately unnecessary since you'll be playing through exactly the same levels and the enemies you fight - a selection of identical mini Autobots and Decepticons depending on which faction you choose - aren't varied or challenging, so fighting them throughout the few hours of each campaign is incredibly repetitive. Annoyingly, Luxoflux could have easily prevented this by giving the Decepticons human enemies rather than the rubbish mini Autobots, which could have done wonders to spice things up a bit - I mean, who wouldn't want to wander around as a mechanical behemoth blowing up armies of oncoming tanks? - but naturally, they've gone for the cheaper, easier option. With this being an Activision published movie tie-in it's hardly surprising, but you can't help but feel a little disappointed when you think of how much more potential there could be in a Transformers game.

It doesn't help that the repetitive missions are accompanied by equally repetitive voice-overs. After completing a mission, the chosen faction will sit around a giant holographic globe monotonously discussing your mission performance. Who actually thought it'd be a good idea to have five badly voice-acted robots blather on for however long about accuracy statistics and uncompleted bonus objectives? And who decided to make it unskippable? And who tested without pointing out how bloody stupid it was? And who... fuck it. There are too many individuals to blame. I'll just Google the address of Luxoflux's development studios and bare my arse in that general direction. That'll show 'em.

The closest Revenge of the Fallen comes to have a saving grace is it's multiplayer, but even that is riddled with faults. There are only four game types and there's very little map variety, and players have an irritating habit of dropping in and out of games so multiplayer lacks any consistent pace. When enough people do stick around matches can be competitive and fun, but this happens so rarely that it's not often worth sticking around for. Like everything else with Revenge of the Fallen then, Luxoflux have put the bare minimum effort into the multiplayer and it really shows.

So Revenge of the Fallen is, unsurprisingly, one of the worst games to have come out for the 360 this summer. It's completely half arsed, and Luxoflux don't seem to have put any effort in anywhere. It's a shame really, after playing through Wolverine: Origins it seemed there was a glimmer of hope for movie tie-in titles, but that view has been well and truly jaded after playing through this thoroughly average excuse for a game. And to think the same people who published this are genuinely threatening to up the price of their games to £55. Where do they get the knackers?

Ethnic minorities excluded "'cause a Brother can't swim"

Following the media hysteria around the exclusion of a young group of racial minorities from a swimming club, the President has made a statement defending the club's actions.

John Duesler Jr, President of the Valley Club, had earlier this week excluded a group of African American and Hispanic youngsters from using the club's swimming pool, claiming that the children would "change the complexion" of the club, and today spoke out defending his statements.

Duesler, who appeared in front of reporters wearing a large sun hat and with his nose doused in sun screen, said that "Our motivation for excluding that group of children is not racial, we have to maintain a respectable image as a swimming club. And that is not one that we can maintain with black children."

"I mean, if someone from a rival swimming club came round and saw a group of black kids flopping around in the pool - 'cause we all know they can't swim - what would they think of us? We're just trying to protect our own reputation."

One of the pool's lifeguards was outspoken in his agreement with Duesler: "I've never had to perform so many rescues in that pool in a day. It's not like I could tell the difference between them either, so I could hardly stop them jumping in again afterwards."

In the meantime, the excluded Creative Steps Inc. have reportedly been offered the use of another club's athletics track. Executive Director of the day camp, Alethea Wright, said "it's good to see that not everyone is as closed minded as the Valley Club is acting at the moment, and there are those out there who don't adhere to outdated racial stereotypes."

Game Review: Prototype

With several years of hype behind it, it's unsurprising that Prototype was one of this summer's most anticipated releases. It promised so much, boasting free-roaming environments, flowing parkour and highly destructive superpowers in the months leading up to it's release. But has it managed to live up to it's own hype, or is this another ambitious but ultimately disappointing gaming blockbuster?

After kicking off with a brief, teasing sample of the chaos and devastation to come, Prototype rewinds a fortnight and we see the man who was just walking around with swords for hands wake up on a morgue table and realise he's somehow developed superpowers. This man - Alex Mercer - quickly finds himself being forced to uncover a conspiracy to try and discover who he is and exactly what has happened to him. Naturally he does this by walking around New York City eating people who he thinks might be slightly relevant. It's not nearly as complex or interesting as the thousands of random and irrelevant plot elements would have you believe, but it's a good enough staging ground to show off one of the coolest mix of powers there has been in a game for a long time.

Alex starts off with the basic powers, which include enhanced strength, speed, durability and agility. While they're never going to be as efficient as the shape-shifting powers you'll unlock as you play through Prototype, these abilities allow you to traverse New York City however you please and, whether that's pelting down the middle of the road at a hundred miles an hour, leaping between skyscrapers or just climbing to the top of the Empire State building and hopping off into the carnage below, you'll experience a freedom of movement that is unrivalled on the 360 and which will never become tedious.

The other basic ability Alex possesses is shape-shifting, allowing him to blend in with the crowd by taking on a different form such as a pedestrian or a soldier by consuming them. While shape-shifting can be useful early on it gradually becomes obsolete, since as you progress enemies that can detect you through a disguise start appearing more often, meaning that previously stealth-based objectives such as infiltrating an enemy base become mad consume-and-dash missions. It's a decent feature, and tricking gullible marines into killing one of their own is always a good laugh, but it's never going to vary the gameplay like it could have done.

Consuming someone for their appearance is a simple process of grabbing them and eating their face off.

As you play through the story and completely the various side missions, you'll have the chance to unlock and upgrade other powers, most of which revolve around Alex's shape-shifting abilities. However, these powers aren't about blending in with the crowd: they're about literally blending the crowd. Just a few of the powers you'll include giant hammer fists, giant claws and even a long whip (where Radical Entertainment missed a glorious comedic opportunity by attaching it to his arm and not somewhere more provocative) to deal with the hordes of zombies, soldiers, and innocent screaming pedestrians that litter the street. These distinctive abilities allow you to play Prototype however you want, and keep the already slick and hilariously gory combat fresh and varied throughout the game.

And I thought the cheestrings in the adverts were a bit mental.

If the wide selection of highly destructive powers doesn't quite cut it for you, Prototype is more than willing to throw in some more highly destructive toys for you to play with including machine guns, tanks and helicopters, all of which are remarkably easy to use. Using a weapon is a simple case of aiming and shooting - although the fiddly auto aim can be a pain since it doesn't understand that adjacent giant infected monsters are greater threats than a woman flailing her arms half a block away - while tanks and helicopters handle very smoothly, and it won't be long before you've completely mastered the controls for both and are taking them on wild rampages through Central Park. So, unlike other games where vehicles and weapons feel a little tacked on and unnecessary, Prototype has integrated them perfectly, and adds further diversity and chaos to it's already dynamic, varied and totally manic experience.

With the sheer amount of mayhem on screen, you'd imagine Prototype would be constantly suffering frame rate issues, texture pops and other irritating technical issues. But amazingly, it doesn't. Everything runs very smoothly throughout - at least it doesn't if you've taken the five minutes to install it onto your 360's hard drive. The downside to this is that Prototype isn't the prettiest game - the environment is a selection of dull greys and browns, the textures would have looked poor in a later last generation game, and the limited amount of character models are ugly and bland. Then again, if you're stood still long enough to notice any of this stuff then you're not playing the game properly, and should really get back to mindlessly slaughtering people with giant hammer fists and rocket launchers - because while the looks may be flawed, the utter carnage of combat is near enough flawless.

I know it's supposed to look disturbing, but does anyone else think the beastie on the left's expression looks remarkably like the Awesome face?

That said, there are a couple of niggling issues with Prototype. The camera, while fine when leaping over skyscrapers or single handedly re-enacting the running of the bulls in a street full of zombies, isn't particularly good in closer environments, where you'll often find your view obstructed by a piece of debris or a wall. The side missions can be fairly repetitive as well, but since you can dip in and out of them as and when they're hardly a game killer.

Minor flaws aside, Prototype is a mind-blowingly fun experience, and delivers on more than enough of it's ambitious promises to make it worth your while. If you've ever played a game where you sliced something's limb off and your only thought was "Holy shit that's cool", this is something you should definitely pick up. Like, right now. Meanwhile, if you're looking for something a little more complex and involving then Prototype probably isn't it, but frankly if you're going to turn your nose up at the awesome, bloody mayhem because Prototype doesn't have the sophistication or depth of other games then you're a pretentious cock and I don't like you.

360 Thieves Traced after Massive Influx of Calls to Customer Support

The men behind the Great Xbox 360 Robbery have been caught out after making over a thousand calls to Microsoft's Technical Support.

The robbers, who stole a truck carrying 1,300 of the error-ridden consoles, were forced to call the Xbox customer support line after tests on the stolen consoles resulted in a thousand different failures and error messages.

Microsoft were then able to determine the consoles were stolen as the thieves read out each console's individual serial number, while police traced the calls to discover the thieves' location - a warehouse in Mississauga, South Ontario, Canada.

A Canadian police chief claimed 'At first we figured that these men [who had already bound and gagged a security guard before making off with the truck] were professional criminals. It wasn't until Microsoft informed us of the hundreds of customer support calls that we realised they were just regular Canadians.'

'Pretty much any other race on the world would have managed to get away with it, but as a people we're just not cut out for this sort of thing'.

Meanwhile, the thieves apparently saw a silver lining to their current incarceration, one stating that 'At least we don't have to put up with that obnoxious c**t Max again', while another said 'We don't have to put up with all the hype for another f**king Halo game, either'.