New year, new write ups

As you've probably noticed I've been writing myself into an imitation wanker's cramp over Christmas, and in 2009 I'm hoping that my schedule will be similarly busy.

I've got my next four game reviews lined up, and I'm finally catching up on the stuff that I didn't have time (or couldn't afford to) review in the build up to Christmas.

First, it will be Call of Duty: World at War, the latest game in the Call of Duty series. At the moment it's taking up just about all my time on the 360, and I'm more than ready to review that now. Hopefully I'll get that written up before the end of the week. Then it's Left 4 Dead, the new Valve release. I haven't had too much time to play it, since I've been too busy with World at War, but what I have played is excellent. Wait, can I legitimately claim that I'm busy with a game?

The other two that I'll hopefully be reviewing are two of 2008's Xbox Live Arcade hits, Castle Crashers - a 2D hack and slash which I'm having immense fun with - and Braid, a classy, sophisticated, puzzle game thing with mental time bending skills. These have been out for a while, but since nothing new has really grabbed my interest (and isn't as cheap), I figured it was time to get them reviewed.

There's also the possibility that the Fable 2 downloadable content, Knothole Island, will finally be available, after what feels like several million delays. It's actually only two delays, but I'm a bit of a Fable fanboy, so it feels like an eternity to me. Yeah, I know I'm a dork, shut up.

"But what about films?" I hear absolutely nobody asking, "What films will you be writing about this month?". Well, with The Spirit out of the way, the next one I'll be looking at is Che: The Argentine. I've heard great things about this from the aftermath of the Cannes Film Festival (ooh, how sophisticated am I?), so hopefully this will be a good 'un.

Finally, there's the video review. I've been planning on doing it for months now, and thanks to a friend of mine I can finally get started. When I say started, I do literally mean "started". I've got very little at the moment, apart from a few ideas and the irritating sound of my own voice fluttering around my head, but now that I've got the material I can get to it very, very soon. Hopefully you'll get a kick out of watching it, as there isn't too much of me in it. Promise.

So, that's pretty much it for now, I'll make other updates as and when they're needed. Although, to be honest, they're mostly for me, so that I have a clear idea of what I'm doing over the month, but if anyone else is interested by them then that's always a bonus. I hoped you enjoyed the write ups last month, I've had some really good feedback from people and it's massively appreciated.

Cheers,

Tom

Oh yeah, and Happy New Year. Hope you all got sufficiently bladdered.

Suggest a New Years Resolution, because I'm too lazy to think of one - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

TV Review: Jonathan Creek "The Grinning Man"

Following a five year hiatus, British crime drama Jonathan Creek returned on New Years day for a special feature length episode: The Grinning Man. With both writer David Renwick and star Adam Davies returning, could Jonathan Creek relive his past successes?

It's business as usual for Creek, as he is presented with another impossible and seemingly supernatural mystery. It's a very familiar scenario: a man spends a night alone in a room, and when the room is checked in the morning he has vanished without a trace. There's supposedly no way out, no way in, everyone is baffled and just assumes that the room is haunted - and it certainly doesn't help that there's a creepy picture on the wall.

The mystery itself is ingenious, impossible to guess during the episode but brilliantly simple when revealed, and as Creek recaps on all the subtle hints and clues he'd noticed over the course of the episode there's a fantastic satisfaction as you sit back and reflect on the sheer genius of it all. It's very comforting to know that Renwick still has it in him to create these excellent scenarios, and you can't help but think that there's still a lot of life in Creek left.

The performances, too, are great. Naturally Davies is excellent as Creek, as is Stuart Milligan as Adam Klaus, Creek's flamboyant and amoral boss. But the surprise performance came from Sheridan Smith, who'd risen to fame through her role in comedic sitcom Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, as she puts in a fine performance as Creek's assistant, Joey Ross. The interaction between Creek and these two other characters really adds to the episode's entertainment value, and whether it's their light hearted bickering or their heavy discussions that make for the shows more dramatic moments, it all feels very real, and are among the best performances over the Christmas period.

Jonathan Creek has always been known for it's comedic sub plots, which deviated a little from the mystery and injected a little humour into an otherwise heavy atmosphere, and The Grinning Man is no different. But with the episodes two hour length, the sub plot has ended up with too much focus, and instead of providing a little light hearted fun on the side, distracts too much from the main mystery. While there is still the occasional funny moment, it's usually surrounded by tedious dialogue and pointless scenes, that don't really add much to anything.

As well as the more comedic sub plots, there's an entire second mystery sub plot introduced about half way through the episode, for no obvious reason apart from the writer's attempting to fill up the extra hour. It's not nearly as interesting as the main mystery, and while it does tick all the boxes for gruesome and bloody, it's not nearly as clever as the impossible room idea that is unfortunately pushed to the side to make room for it. It's a bit annoying sitting through this, as well as the pointless and tedious romantic sub plots, when all we really want to hear is how everybody disappears from the impossible room.
The Grinning Man is another good episode of Jonathan Creek, but it's not about to go down as a classic. While the original mystery is suitably ingenious, the sheer length of the episode hinders it. Instead of a pacey and thrilling mystery, it's a drawn out and occasionally tedious showing from Creek. It's still good, and everything that made Jonathan Creek what it was is still there, and even after the end credits you'll be wondering whether there's a paranormal influence behind the whole plot. But there's too much unnecessary fat to make it great.

4/5

Right, I've run out of television to talk about now. Bollocks.

Is never going to be able to take a bath again - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

Film Review: The Spirit

After the successes of Sin City and 300, it seemed only natural for Frank Miller to return to the director's chair. This time round it's The Spirit, as Miller tries to adapt another's work for the big screen. Would he have the same success as his previous films, or would the Spirit fade into obscurity?

Unfortunately it's almost certainly the latter, as The Spirit fails to deliver in almost every department. The story is completely schizophrenic, never really sure if it's a film noir detective story, a superhero flick, or a bad lesson in Greek mythology, hopping between the three at random intervals and never properly connecting them. It's essentially the same story for the characters, most of them having a loose connection to each other that is never properly delved into or explored.

The characters themselves are irritating enough, partially because they're shallow cardboard cut-outs with very basic and clichéd wants and needs, but mostly because the film constantly tries to trick you into thinking that there's more to them, alluding to some hidden depth that doesn't actually exist. Even when one of them does something out of character, and you're waiting hopefully for some shadowy intentions to be revealed, one of the other walking clichés will happily slap you round the face with the revelation that the other character probably did it on a whim, explaining it with some long winded psychological nattering which in most cases throughout the film can be effectively summed with with "women, eh?".

It's a little harsh to blame the cast when the characters and dialogue is as bad as it is, but the all round dreary and lacklustre performances certainly contributed to the lack of entertainment the film provides. While it was difficult to expect much from lead Gabriel Macht with his wafer thin pedigree, even big names such as Scarlett Johansson and Samuel L. Jackson - a man who usually radiates awesome - were incredibly clunky and overly dramatic in their performances.

But, to be fair, The Spirit is incredibly clunky and over dramatic in almost every aspect, not least when it tries to convince you that, as well as being deep and mystical, it's also got a darker side. The film couldn't have been blunter or more ham fisted with it's apparently dark and twisted element if it tried, even going as far as having swastikas randomly flare up when the villain is about to give a speech. Sin City barely got away with it's swastika use, mainly because it was only briefly used by a sexy-kung-fu-fighting-ninja-prostitute, which is such a genius concept that we were willing to forgo the sheer cheapness of the swastika use and just roll with it. But in The Spirit, a film where everything is painfully shoddy and cheap, it's laughable.

Where Sin City had plot, and 300 has immense visual spectacle, The Spirit has neither. It's a truly dull film, and the only entertainment to be found here is when you're dreaming after falling asleep. Frank, next time stick to adapting your own graphic novels. Please.

2/5

Anyone else notice that half of the praise said in the trailer for this wasn't quoted from anyone? Ten quid says that they made half of it up and just threw it in there to fool people.

Started the year how he plans to carry it on: full of cynicism - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

TV Review: Top Gear Vietnam Special

They've turned a Reliant Robin into a space shuttle, driven across the salt flats of Makgadikgadi and even taken a Toyota to the north pole, and this year hit BBC show Top Gear were attempting something that the American's could never achieve - travelling almost one thousand miles from the south of Vietnam to the north. It sounds easy enough but, as fans of the show will know, it's never made easy for the Top Gear trio. Could they complete the eight day challenge, whilst providing their trademark entertainment?

The trio begin in Sigon, where they are each given a shoebox full of a misleading amount of Vietnamese cash. Assuming that the producers have been kind this time, Clarkson, Hammond and May soon realise that they've got little over one thousand US dollars to spend on a vehicle, and with cars being so expensive, they're forced to settle with motorbikes - much to Clarkson's displeasure. So the three set off on their dirt cheap bikes, Hammond and May confident that this will be the easiest challenge they've ever attempted.

As usual, the journey from south to north Vietnam is not quite as simple as they thought it would be. Naturally, an inexperienced Clarkson struggles to get to grips with the bike, while Hammond and May have their own problems. The traffic is insane, making even the busiest western roads looking positively timid. It's the rainy season, so it all comes bucketing down on them. And, being Vietnam, it's damn hot. But the trio soldier on, taking it all in with good humour, mocking each other and pulling the usual pranks along the way.

Naturally, it's the humour and pranks done by the presenters that result in most of the show's entertainment. Whether it's Clarkson's casual racism, Hammond's outright refusal to sample the local cuisine, or just May's usual bumbling there's going to be a lot of parts in the episode that'll make you smile. Since a lot of time is spent in dense cities, as opposed to rural Africa or the Arctic, the presenter's take advantage and buy each other ridiculous presents in an attempt to make the task that little bit harder. It's funny and enjoyable, but that's not all there is to the Vietnam special.

With the infamous Vietnam war taking place little more than thirty years ago, there are a couple of potent moment in the episode when the presenters encounter memorials, sites, or even people who were involved in the conflict. These moments in the show serve as a stark contrast to the light hearted fun during the rest of it, and as a result are made that much more potent.

As fantastic as the episode was, it's easy to say that whatever was on show was constantly upstaged by the incredible setting. Complicated brilliantly with classic music from the 60s and 70s (no prizes for guessing why that was used), Vietnam is another phenomenal location for the Top Gear team to explore. It's a massive culture shock, and an fantastically interesting insight into a country that unfortunately better known for a fateful war, than it's apparently beauty.

It's another triumph for Top Gear, as they not only offer an great insight into Vietnamese culture and life, but provide a lot of fun and laughter at the same time. It's great to see Top Gear still going strong after so long, and the Vietnam Special is no exception.

5/5

I'm really annoyed that I couldn't work "...in the world" somewhere into this.

Has been writing too much and has forgotten what real people look like - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

Game Review: Tomb Raider: Underworld

Lara Croft returns with the latest instalment in the Tomb Raider series; Tomb Raider: Underworld. With the series' successes over the past twelve years, there was a lot expected of everyone's favourite buxom adventurer. With some new gadgets, tricks, and low cut tops, could Lara Croft impress once again?

Carrying on from where Anniversary and Legend left off, the story in Tomb Raider: Underworld is very familiar. As per usual Lara Croft, a posh English woman with a taste for adventuring, is searching for an ancient and powerful artefact, to prevent an evil force from claiming it for themselves. If you haven't played the previous Tomb Raider games you might want to get yourself up to date with the recent goings on - there's a handy "previously" trailer in the main menu that can help you out with that - otherwise the plot isn't going to make much, if any, sense. However, fans of the series will feel right at home. Full of twists, turns and even a little closure, the story of Tomb Raider: Underworld should have no trouble keeping players interested and satisfied.

I don't think she quite understands the concepts of "tomb" raiding.

Like the story, Tomb Raider: Underworld's gameplay is going to feel very familiar. Lara's learnt a couple of fancy new moves - most of them revolving around combat - but it's essentially unchanged from the old run, jump, fall and repeat method from the old Tomb Raiders. Lara herself is still as fiddly and temperamental as ever, with basic survival instincts seemingly having no place in her mind, as she happily jumps into the tomb's abyss if you're even a little off with the controls. It all results in more frustration that she can wave her lovely, heaving...finger at.

The camera doesn't do anything to help, either. As expected from Tomb Raider, in enclosed spaces it's impossible to get a decent view of anything but Lara's arse or breasts, because apparently the developers at Crystal Dynamics still aren't getting any, but even in open areas it's still almost impossible to work with at points. Sometimes you'll be face with the typical "next ledge is off screen" scenario, when you're only option is to take a desperate leap of faith, and with Lara being the fussy beast that she is, more often than not you'll end up plummeting a few hundred feet to your death. It's been a consistent flaw throughout the series, and it's irritating that so few measures have been taken to prevent it.

It's less a matter of life and death, and more of "how many times will she die"?

The camera does just as few favours to the combat, which is a shame because it really could have used a helping hand. Despite all the new tricks Lara has learnt - including a mastery of the complicated kicking motion - it still feels like a chore, probably because anything bigger than a kitten is going to absorb half a million pistol rounds before it even flinches. The bigger weapons aren't much better, most of them being significantly weaker than a simple kick, and no matter how much fun shooting a tiger in the face with a shotgun is the first time, after twenty or so shots it becomes a little dull, and with Lara as flimsy as she is (possibly the only thing natural about her), you'll probably find yourself dying in a shoot-out more often than you kill. The only real saving grace of the combat is that, no matter what weapon you're using, you're movement is never restricted. There's a certain charm to hopping and flipping around an ancient temple with a shotgun, blasting panthers and giant spiders in the face.

The WWF will have a field day with this one.

Towards the end of the game your efforts will be rewarded with a new weapon, reminiscent of the gravity hammer from Halo 3, and the combat instantly becomes much more fun. Watching Lara hop around levels swatting enemies like insects and flinging them into the abyss is easily the most fun in the whole game. It's just a shame that it doesn't last.

Like most platformers, Tomb Raider: Underworld is a lot of fun when you know what you're doing, but incredibly frustrating when you're stumped. While the game occasionally does a little to help you out - Lara will offer hints and tips on what to do next if you pause the game - for the most part it's going to leave you completely in the dark. It goes without saying that, if you're new to the Tomb Raider series, a walkthrough is recommended, because this game isn't going to hold your hand.

Unlike the previous Tomb Raiders, Underworld has opted for a purely orchestral score, which is absolutely stunning at times, particularly during the game's epic climax. The games looks don't match up quite as well. While you will be treated to some lush, beautiful environments and some awesome underwater worlds, the majority of the tombs you'll be raiding all look the same - grey, dark, and badly lit. Why they've done this is obvious, but it's unattractive, and even succeeds in making some of the platforming or combat more frustrating than it already was.

She's the same temperamental and fickle beastie that she was over ten years ago, but Lara is still on form in Tomb Raider: Underworld. The game is certainly not without it's issues, but if you can put up with the frustration, there's a lot of fun to be had. Just try not to throw you're controller through the screen before the ending.

7/10

You have no idea how hard it was for me to avoid a "Time of the month" joke whenever I used any variation of the word "temperamental".

Always made Lara wear her short shorts, the dirty pervert - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

TV Review: A Matter of Loaf and Death

Wallace and Gromit made their long awaited return this Christmas with the brilliantly titled A Matter of Loaf and Death. After the phenomenally successful Curse of the Were Rabbit, this latest outing of the plasticine duo was very highly anticipated. Could Wallace and Gromit succeed where another great British series, Doctor Who, had failed earlier in the evening?

As usual, Wallace and Gromit have opted for a different career path this time around. Now the pair are bakers, running a "dough-to-door" delivery service for their company, Top Bun. It's not long before Wallace, in his usual fashion, finds himself a love interest, Piella Bakewell. But, as the couple romance, Gromit investigates the suspicious Piella, revealing the deadly intentions behind her loving acts. It's clever, it's original, and it's damn good fun; all typical of Wallace and Gromit, and as usual kids and adults alike are going to love it.

Loaf and Death is littered with ingenious puns and references. As well as the aforementioned "dough to door" and "Top Bun", there are references to iconic films such as Citizen Kane, Pulp Fiction, and The Sound of Music. They're superbly worked in, and despite their subtlety really add to the laughs the show provides.

This visuals of Wallace and Gromit have remained largely unchanged since the late 80s, when the plasticine figures first showed up. It's the same case in Loaf or Death; the characters are still meticulously modelled by hand from plasticine, and they look better than ever. The animation is nothing short of brilliant, and still have the rustic charm that the features did when they began almost twenty years ago.

Loaf and Death brings a darkness to Wallace and Gromit that it didn't really have before. As well as murder being the driving force behind the plot, the feature also touches on animal abuse, but again does it so subtly that it doesn't detract from the comedic elements of the show, seamlessly alternating between slapstick and seriousness, which is something very few shows are capable of.

It seems Nick Park and Aardman can do no wrong when it comes to Wallace and Gromit, and A Matter of Loaf and Death certainly isn't going to buck the trend. Ingeniously written, brilliantly animated and with more puns and references than you can shake a bread stick at (frankly if I hadn't made a bad bread related joke at some point in this review I would have failed myself as a writer), it's plain to see that the duo are still on top form.

5/5

Thank god I managed to avoid using the term "Christmas Cracker" in the Christmas reviews.

Thinks cheddar is better than Wensleydale anyway - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

TV Review: Doctor Who Christmas Special "The Next Doctor"

Doctor Who has always held a special place in the hearts of viewers. It's one of those great shows that doesn't take itself too seriously, instead just going all out to entertain and have a bit of fun. But, that said, the Christmas specials haven't always been up to scratch. Would 2008's teasingly titled The Next Doctor be another flop, or could the Doctor deliver?

After spending several Christmases in the present, the Doctor takes a trip to Victorian London. But, as usual, trouble has followed him there, and it's not long before he hears someone calling his name - but not calling for him. As it turns out, another man referring to himself as "The Doctor" is in London, and so are some of his oldest enemies, the Cybermen. What follows is the usual Doctor Who episode; some aliens have a plan to conquer Earth, the Doctor pulls a selection of facial expressions and reels off his usual quips, before saving Christmas and getting a round of applause.

While it's the typical Doctor Who format, the humour, slapstick, and fun were a little lacking. The episode chugged along a little too slowly, and spent a little too much time figuring out the identity of the Victorian Doctor - who, unsurprisingly, is not going to be the next Doctor - and skimmed over the Cybermen and their weird new Cyber-dog-things as if they were only kept around so that they'd have an excuse for a brief CGI sequence at the end of the episode.

The inclusion of the kids seemed incredibly forced, and it didn't help that all the child actors chosen didn't seem to have any idea what they were supposed to be doing, unless the basic direction for kid actors in a scene full of Cybermen is "look very confused". If they'd managed to get a selection of child actors who could pull a facial expression that wouldn't be portrayed on the internet with a colon and a capital "O", it could have worked, but the end result is poor, and feels very out of place. If at any point the episode managed to absorb you, this would knock you right back into reality.

Tennant's performance as the Doctor, too, feels lacklustre. It's plain to see why he's leaving the show, and it seems a lot of the enthusiasm and excitement that he had when he first became the Doctor has gone. The quips are still there, but they feel a little forced, and he doesn't even put as much effort into hamming it up any more. He's been a great Doctor, but it definitely shows that he's reaching the end of his tenure.

By the looks of this Christmas special it appears both writer Russell T Davies and tenth Doctor David Tennant won't be going out with a bang, unless the cheesy CGI explosions count. The episode just lacked in any flair or fun, and without those elements Doctor Who is barely passable as entertainment. It's another Christmas disappointment from the Doctor, and with Davies in charge of three of the specials next year, it looks like a bleak year for the Time Lord.

2/5

Does it really matter who the next Doctor is? All the role needs is an Englishman with big hair.

Is bigger on the inside...wait, what? - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk