TV Review: Top Gear Vietnam Special

They've turned a Reliant Robin into a space shuttle, driven across the salt flats of Makgadikgadi and even taken a Toyota to the north pole, and this year hit BBC show Top Gear were attempting something that the American's could never achieve - travelling almost one thousand miles from the south of Vietnam to the north. It sounds easy enough but, as fans of the show will know, it's never made easy for the Top Gear trio. Could they complete the eight day challenge, whilst providing their trademark entertainment?

The trio begin in Sigon, where they are each given a shoebox full of a misleading amount of Vietnamese cash. Assuming that the producers have been kind this time, Clarkson, Hammond and May soon realise that they've got little over one thousand US dollars to spend on a vehicle, and with cars being so expensive, they're forced to settle with motorbikes - much to Clarkson's displeasure. So the three set off on their dirt cheap bikes, Hammond and May confident that this will be the easiest challenge they've ever attempted.

As usual, the journey from south to north Vietnam is not quite as simple as they thought it would be. Naturally, an inexperienced Clarkson struggles to get to grips with the bike, while Hammond and May have their own problems. The traffic is insane, making even the busiest western roads looking positively timid. It's the rainy season, so it all comes bucketing down on them. And, being Vietnam, it's damn hot. But the trio soldier on, taking it all in with good humour, mocking each other and pulling the usual pranks along the way.

Naturally, it's the humour and pranks done by the presenters that result in most of the show's entertainment. Whether it's Clarkson's casual racism, Hammond's outright refusal to sample the local cuisine, or just May's usual bumbling there's going to be a lot of parts in the episode that'll make you smile. Since a lot of time is spent in dense cities, as opposed to rural Africa or the Arctic, the presenter's take advantage and buy each other ridiculous presents in an attempt to make the task that little bit harder. It's funny and enjoyable, but that's not all there is to the Vietnam special.

With the infamous Vietnam war taking place little more than thirty years ago, there are a couple of potent moment in the episode when the presenters encounter memorials, sites, or even people who were involved in the conflict. These moments in the show serve as a stark contrast to the light hearted fun during the rest of it, and as a result are made that much more potent.

As fantastic as the episode was, it's easy to say that whatever was on show was constantly upstaged by the incredible setting. Complicated brilliantly with classic music from the 60s and 70s (no prizes for guessing why that was used), Vietnam is another phenomenal location for the Top Gear team to explore. It's a massive culture shock, and an fantastically interesting insight into a country that unfortunately better known for a fateful war, than it's apparently beauty.

It's another triumph for Top Gear, as they not only offer an great insight into Vietnamese culture and life, but provide a lot of fun and laughter at the same time. It's great to see Top Gear still going strong after so long, and the Vietnam Special is no exception.

5/5

I'm really annoyed that I couldn't work "...in the world" somewhere into this.

Has been writing too much and has forgotten what real people look like - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

Game Review: Tomb Raider: Underworld

Lara Croft returns with the latest instalment in the Tomb Raider series; Tomb Raider: Underworld. With the series' successes over the past twelve years, there was a lot expected of everyone's favourite buxom adventurer. With some new gadgets, tricks, and low cut tops, could Lara Croft impress once again?

Carrying on from where Anniversary and Legend left off, the story in Tomb Raider: Underworld is very familiar. As per usual Lara Croft, a posh English woman with a taste for adventuring, is searching for an ancient and powerful artefact, to prevent an evil force from claiming it for themselves. If you haven't played the previous Tomb Raider games you might want to get yourself up to date with the recent goings on - there's a handy "previously" trailer in the main menu that can help you out with that - otherwise the plot isn't going to make much, if any, sense. However, fans of the series will feel right at home. Full of twists, turns and even a little closure, the story of Tomb Raider: Underworld should have no trouble keeping players interested and satisfied.

I don't think she quite understands the concepts of "tomb" raiding.

Like the story, Tomb Raider: Underworld's gameplay is going to feel very familiar. Lara's learnt a couple of fancy new moves - most of them revolving around combat - but it's essentially unchanged from the old run, jump, fall and repeat method from the old Tomb Raiders. Lara herself is still as fiddly and temperamental as ever, with basic survival instincts seemingly having no place in her mind, as she happily jumps into the tomb's abyss if you're even a little off with the controls. It all results in more frustration that she can wave her lovely, heaving...finger at.

The camera doesn't do anything to help, either. As expected from Tomb Raider, in enclosed spaces it's impossible to get a decent view of anything but Lara's arse or breasts, because apparently the developers at Crystal Dynamics still aren't getting any, but even in open areas it's still almost impossible to work with at points. Sometimes you'll be face with the typical "next ledge is off screen" scenario, when you're only option is to take a desperate leap of faith, and with Lara being the fussy beast that she is, more often than not you'll end up plummeting a few hundred feet to your death. It's been a consistent flaw throughout the series, and it's irritating that so few measures have been taken to prevent it.

It's less a matter of life and death, and more of "how many times will she die"?

The camera does just as few favours to the combat, which is a shame because it really could have used a helping hand. Despite all the new tricks Lara has learnt - including a mastery of the complicated kicking motion - it still feels like a chore, probably because anything bigger than a kitten is going to absorb half a million pistol rounds before it even flinches. The bigger weapons aren't much better, most of them being significantly weaker than a simple kick, and no matter how much fun shooting a tiger in the face with a shotgun is the first time, after twenty or so shots it becomes a little dull, and with Lara as flimsy as she is (possibly the only thing natural about her), you'll probably find yourself dying in a shoot-out more often than you kill. The only real saving grace of the combat is that, no matter what weapon you're using, you're movement is never restricted. There's a certain charm to hopping and flipping around an ancient temple with a shotgun, blasting panthers and giant spiders in the face.

The WWF will have a field day with this one.

Towards the end of the game your efforts will be rewarded with a new weapon, reminiscent of the gravity hammer from Halo 3, and the combat instantly becomes much more fun. Watching Lara hop around levels swatting enemies like insects and flinging them into the abyss is easily the most fun in the whole game. It's just a shame that it doesn't last.

Like most platformers, Tomb Raider: Underworld is a lot of fun when you know what you're doing, but incredibly frustrating when you're stumped. While the game occasionally does a little to help you out - Lara will offer hints and tips on what to do next if you pause the game - for the most part it's going to leave you completely in the dark. It goes without saying that, if you're new to the Tomb Raider series, a walkthrough is recommended, because this game isn't going to hold your hand.

Unlike the previous Tomb Raiders, Underworld has opted for a purely orchestral score, which is absolutely stunning at times, particularly during the game's epic climax. The games looks don't match up quite as well. While you will be treated to some lush, beautiful environments and some awesome underwater worlds, the majority of the tombs you'll be raiding all look the same - grey, dark, and badly lit. Why they've done this is obvious, but it's unattractive, and even succeeds in making some of the platforming or combat more frustrating than it already was.

She's the same temperamental and fickle beastie that she was over ten years ago, but Lara is still on form in Tomb Raider: Underworld. The game is certainly not without it's issues, but if you can put up with the frustration, there's a lot of fun to be had. Just try not to throw you're controller through the screen before the ending.

7/10

You have no idea how hard it was for me to avoid a "Time of the month" joke whenever I used any variation of the word "temperamental".

Always made Lara wear her short shorts, the dirty pervert - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

TV Review: A Matter of Loaf and Death

Wallace and Gromit made their long awaited return this Christmas with the brilliantly titled A Matter of Loaf and Death. After the phenomenally successful Curse of the Were Rabbit, this latest outing of the plasticine duo was very highly anticipated. Could Wallace and Gromit succeed where another great British series, Doctor Who, had failed earlier in the evening?

As usual, Wallace and Gromit have opted for a different career path this time around. Now the pair are bakers, running a "dough-to-door" delivery service for their company, Top Bun. It's not long before Wallace, in his usual fashion, finds himself a love interest, Piella Bakewell. But, as the couple romance, Gromit investigates the suspicious Piella, revealing the deadly intentions behind her loving acts. It's clever, it's original, and it's damn good fun; all typical of Wallace and Gromit, and as usual kids and adults alike are going to love it.

Loaf and Death is littered with ingenious puns and references. As well as the aforementioned "dough to door" and "Top Bun", there are references to iconic films such as Citizen Kane, Pulp Fiction, and The Sound of Music. They're superbly worked in, and despite their subtlety really add to the laughs the show provides.

This visuals of Wallace and Gromit have remained largely unchanged since the late 80s, when the plasticine figures first showed up. It's the same case in Loaf or Death; the characters are still meticulously modelled by hand from plasticine, and they look better than ever. The animation is nothing short of brilliant, and still have the rustic charm that the features did when they began almost twenty years ago.

Loaf and Death brings a darkness to Wallace and Gromit that it didn't really have before. As well as murder being the driving force behind the plot, the feature also touches on animal abuse, but again does it so subtly that it doesn't detract from the comedic elements of the show, seamlessly alternating between slapstick and seriousness, which is something very few shows are capable of.

It seems Nick Park and Aardman can do no wrong when it comes to Wallace and Gromit, and A Matter of Loaf and Death certainly isn't going to buck the trend. Ingeniously written, brilliantly animated and with more puns and references than you can shake a bread stick at (frankly if I hadn't made a bad bread related joke at some point in this review I would have failed myself as a writer), it's plain to see that the duo are still on top form.

5/5

Thank god I managed to avoid using the term "Christmas Cracker" in the Christmas reviews.

Thinks cheddar is better than Wensleydale anyway - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

TV Review: Doctor Who Christmas Special "The Next Doctor"

Doctor Who has always held a special place in the hearts of viewers. It's one of those great shows that doesn't take itself too seriously, instead just going all out to entertain and have a bit of fun. But, that said, the Christmas specials haven't always been up to scratch. Would 2008's teasingly titled The Next Doctor be another flop, or could the Doctor deliver?

After spending several Christmases in the present, the Doctor takes a trip to Victorian London. But, as usual, trouble has followed him there, and it's not long before he hears someone calling his name - but not calling for him. As it turns out, another man referring to himself as "The Doctor" is in London, and so are some of his oldest enemies, the Cybermen. What follows is the usual Doctor Who episode; some aliens have a plan to conquer Earth, the Doctor pulls a selection of facial expressions and reels off his usual quips, before saving Christmas and getting a round of applause.

While it's the typical Doctor Who format, the humour, slapstick, and fun were a little lacking. The episode chugged along a little too slowly, and spent a little too much time figuring out the identity of the Victorian Doctor - who, unsurprisingly, is not going to be the next Doctor - and skimmed over the Cybermen and their weird new Cyber-dog-things as if they were only kept around so that they'd have an excuse for a brief CGI sequence at the end of the episode.

The inclusion of the kids seemed incredibly forced, and it didn't help that all the child actors chosen didn't seem to have any idea what they were supposed to be doing, unless the basic direction for kid actors in a scene full of Cybermen is "look very confused". If they'd managed to get a selection of child actors who could pull a facial expression that wouldn't be portrayed on the internet with a colon and a capital "O", it could have worked, but the end result is poor, and feels very out of place. If at any point the episode managed to absorb you, this would knock you right back into reality.

Tennant's performance as the Doctor, too, feels lacklustre. It's plain to see why he's leaving the show, and it seems a lot of the enthusiasm and excitement that he had when he first became the Doctor has gone. The quips are still there, but they feel a little forced, and he doesn't even put as much effort into hamming it up any more. He's been a great Doctor, but it definitely shows that he's reaching the end of his tenure.

By the looks of this Christmas special it appears both writer Russell T Davies and tenth Doctor David Tennant won't be going out with a bang, unless the cheesy CGI explosions count. The episode just lacked in any flair or fun, and without those elements Doctor Who is barely passable as entertainment. It's another Christmas disappointment from the Doctor, and with Davies in charge of three of the specials next year, it looks like a bleak year for the Time Lord.

2/5

Does it really matter who the next Doctor is? All the role needs is an Englishman with big hair.

Is bigger on the inside...wait, what? - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

TV Review: Heroes Season 3, Episode 13 "Dual"

With the third volume of Heroes coming to a close the final episode had to go out with a bang, to whet our appetites for the series' return in the new year. But with the season going around in circles, it was a toss up as to whether the finale, Dual, would please fans or simply frustrate them further.

Sylar replaces Mohinder for the opening speech, babbling on about the character's choices over the series before he unintentionally labels Heroes' plot and characters as the "ultimate cosmic joke". It's nice to see that the pretentious preaching is starting to make some sense.

The bulk of Dual is spent alternating between the two companies, with Peter and Nathan facing off at Pinehearst while Sylar toys with his prey at Primatech.

After incapacitating Nathan, Peter, everyone's favourite combat nurse, forms an uneasy partnership with Knox and Flint, and sets out to destroy the formula, and the cull of characters begins. First there's the random marine, who has so little screen time before his death that it's any wonder he was even introduced in the first place. It's even more mind boggling that the previous episode spent all that time giving him a tragic back story, attempting to highlight the tragedy of soldiers deaths in the Iraq war, but happily kills off this one without any of the characters so much as shedding a tear. In a season full of inconsistency and contradiction, this is possibly one of the most blatant examples of it yet.

Then there's Knox, who's death is brushed over just as quickly as the marine's. Why he's been cut from the show is another confusing move by the writers. Knox's character has masses of potential, not only because of his character but also because of his ability, which not only complimented his character as a villain, but also gave him a weakness and allowed him to be manipulated. He's the perfect character for something like Heroes, and tossing him aside after such a brief stint seems like such a waste.

The cull continues at Primatech, as Sylar puts the building on lock down, and pits the heroes against each other. It's a massive contrast to the fast paced action at Pinehearst, instead going for a more chilling, psychological horror angle. The scenes here make up the best parts of the episode, and at times are superbly done, but it never quite cuts it. It's far too predictable, so no matter what's on show there's never any real horror or excitement, which really takes the edge off what is otherwise a superbly done couple of scenes. At least, apart from one unintentional innuendo, when Claire reveals that she'd like to give Sylar a good spanking. Sometimes you just have to wonder if someone actually proofreads the script before it's sent out.

The rest of the episode is made up of Ando, Daphne and Matt trying to save Hiro, who is trapped in the past. To do this, they give Ando the formula, hoping that he'll end up with the ability to time travel. Instead, he becomes a "super charger", because having two characters with the same ability just doesn't happen (apart from West, but he was always an anomaly in every possible sense). The super charger ability is one that, as well as being conveniently different, just happens to work perfectly, as combined with Daphne's super speed. I'm fairly sure that every Heroes fan is a bona fide nerd at heart, so spotting the link to Einstein's theory of relativity shouldn't have been a difficult task for most of the audience, but instead Heroes decides to mount it's highest horse and patronise us for a little bit, before Matt delivers the least subtle "Hey kids, stay in school" message you'll ever see outside of Saturday morning cartoons. Apart from that blip, and Daphne's hilariously bad description of how she travelled in time (genuinely using "And you were there, and you were there"), it's surprisingly entertaining, and provides some welcome comic relief in what is otherwise a very serious episode.

It's not hard to guess that the end of Dual invariably concludes with the formula being destroyed in the most dramatic fashion possible (clue: it just happens to be highly combustible). But with Arthur dead, Sylar back to his old self, most of the new additions to the cast killed off and now the formula destroyed, it seems that we're right back where we started thirteen episodes ago, with the whole of volume three just going around in a big circle. The plot hasn't progressed, we have no deeper knowledge of the characters - other than the fact that they've all had some sort of weapons training in-between seasons - and it's fair to say that Heroes isn't learning from some of it's mistakes, still insisting on romantic sub plots. All the potential the show had in the first season seems to have slowly ebbed away, and we've been left with a series that doesn't know what to do with itself, and the rare occasion that the quality does shine through hardly seems worth it for all the dithering and backtracking that we have to put up with.

3/5

You know what though, I'll still be watching volume four, just because it gives me something to write about. I'm just that cool.

Would also give Sylar a good spanking - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

Film Review: Twilight

Adapted from Stephenie Meyer's popular romance novel, Twilight had a variety of reputations to live up to, and to shake off. Cited by some for capturing the true essence of romance, and others for being over rated and repetitive literary dross, director Catherine Hardwicke had some huge challenges to overcome. Could she silence the doubters, while simultaneously giving the die-hard fans the film they so desperately wanted?

Twilight opens with Bella, portrayed by Kristen Stewert, voicing over a scene in which a lonely fawn is chased through the forest by an unknown predator, unsubtly conveying the outline of the film's plot. The symbolism is tragically obvious; the fawn resembling the innocent and vulnerable Bella, whilst the feral predator is her love interest Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), a vampire.

The plot advances at a snails pace, as we see Bella and Edward go through all the trademark awkwardness of a high school relationship. There's the awkward glances across the lunch hall, the awkward conversations in classes, and the awkward silences that usually follow with Edward and his gigantic coiffure storming out of the room. Everything, from the movement and expressions of the characters to the lines and their delivery, is over dramatised to the point where it all becomes laughable, apart from the occasional moments when it crosses the line into being painfully embarrassing to watch. Don't be surprised if you end up missing a lot of the film from burying your face in your hands. Don't worry though, it's likely that all you're missing is an extreme close up of someone's eyes.

Twilight doesn't really kick into gear until the last thirty minutes, when Edward's family of humanitarian vampires are confronted by a trio of more typical, bloodthirsty vampires. When they pick up Bella's scent, an obsessive hunt begins, as Bella is chased across the country by James (Cam Gigandet), a tracker vampire. By no means is it good, it still suffers from most of the flaws of the first three quarters of the film, but the added pace and action leave you feeling at least slightly entertained.

On top of this, Twilight is yet another example of a shoddy book-to-film adaptation. While the outlines of the story remain the same, there's the usual case of scenes from the novel being scrapped, or replaced with scenes that never happened. But, to be fair, it's easy to see why things were rearranged, as some of the lines that do make it into the screenplay are simply woeful, including a hilariously bad pun, when Edward describes Bella as being "like a drug, my own personal heroin", a line which better belongs in a badly written Harry Potter fan-fiction. The concept of vampires glittering like diamonds in sunlight, as opposed to the traditional combustion, is reduced to a couple of brief scenes, where Edward looks less like a glittering diamond and more like he's got a sticky vampiric sweat on.

Twilight is poor, as an adaptation and as a film. There are so few saving graces you'd have to amputate both hands if you wanted to count them on your fingers, and it's certainly not going to silence any critics of the novel, or satisfy the average film goer. But, if you're a fan, then this is worth checking out. A little plot meddling isn't going to ruin the greatest romantic epic of our time, is it?

2/5

What kind of blockbuster movie has a Volvo as the character's vehicle of choice?

Tell me that I deserve to die and have no understanding of the concept of true romance - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

TV Review: Heroes Season 3, Episode 12 "Our Father"

After Sylar abandoned his rehabilitation and pissed a whole season of character development up the wall for no obvious reason in The Eclipse, Part Two it was difficult to see the last two episodes of Heroes going anywhere except circles. Hopefully episode twelve, Our Father, could silence any doubts.

Most of the episode takes place in the past, with Hiro trying to regain his memory, and Claire trying to prevent herself becoming the catalyst. After discovering that his mother can convenient heal after watching her nurse a dove back to health (that's some subtle symbolism you've got there, Heroes), Hiro tries to convince his mother to heal his mind, although not before being forced to cook her a meal - he ends up serving her waffles, as if that joke wasn't old already - and doing the obligatory simultaneous glasses adjustment with his younger self. It's trying to be cute more than anything, which ten year old Hiro is more than capable of, and while the scenes lack any real substance (aside from a fairly potent final scene between Hiro and his mother) it's fairly enjoyable.

Claire, meanwhile, is babysitting for her younger self after immediately securing the trust of her mother. Now I don't know many new mothers, but I'm fairly sure that no matter how overwhelmed you are, handing over your new adopted baby to a complete stranger is not the done thing? Masquerading as a neighbour's niece, Claire is easily caught out by Noah, but after she successfully persuades him she is trust worthy (although it's not clear why the incredibly sceptical and wary Noah trusts her so easily), she convinces him not to answer the call from the Company, preventing her from becoming the catalyst. Again, like the Hiro scenes it's going for a cuter theme than Heroes usually goes for, but since there's a baby involved it gets away with it. But there's still the issue of why two new parents would immediately trust a random girl with their child so readily. Come on Heroes, at least the social, real life aspect of the show has to be slightly believable.

Ando, Matt and Daphne continue to search for the last story of 9th Wonders in New York. After chasing down the reluctant bike messenger, they finally get their hands on Isaac Mendez's sketchbook, which seems to have miraculously changed colour from red to black over the course of the series. In it, they find the last story of 9th Wonders, depicting Hiro "lost in time". Which doesn't so much pose the question "how does Hiro get lost in time?", as "how does Isaac Mendez manage to paint the past?". Isaac Mendez paints the future, so how is he managing to accurately depict events fifteen years before his death in season one, when he wasn't present? Still, at least this is the last 9th Wonders and they can't refer back to it. It's not as if they're making it up as they go along, or anything like that, right? Oh...

With Elle's phone giving him a whole new list of people with abilities, Sylar goes after Sue Landers, a human lie detector. In rediscovering his hunger, Sylar also seems to have found a sense of humour, and the dark lines he utters make for some of the funniest moments in the show.

Peter, gun in hand (seriously, when did a nurse learn to fire a gun?), sets off with the Haitian to kill Arthur. After breaking through the robust Pinehearst security, consisting of one man asking for ID, they confront Arthur, who realises they're hunting him through an unintentionally hilarious "I sense a disturbance in the Force" moment. Father and son spend the next five minutes chatting until Peter finally pulls the trigger, only for the bullet to stop, spinning in the air, which was an effortlessly cool effect, and Sylar reappears.

The motivation behind Sylar stealing the power of lie detection was to undo a lot of this season's plot - haven't I written that line before? - and reveal that Sylar is, in fact, not a a Petrelli, which helps explain why the "I am your mother" line in the third episode was so brushed over and unconvincing. Then this just raises another question; how did Sylar randomly get empathetic mimicry, without being related to Peter? Now, two characters having the same power isn't unheard of, that's not the problem. Sylar showed no signs of having mimicry before the link to Peter and Arthur, and without that link even the piss weak explanation given for the ability ("Yeah, you always had it, duh") doesn't help to explain anything. It's a classic case of Heroes tripping over it's own feet and falling flat on it's face in the pile of shit it's laid for itself.

Finally, there's the catalyst, and it's possibly the most ridiculous element of the episode. The whole focus of this season has been on the far-fetched scientific element, and so, quite reasonably, you'd expect the catalyst to be something scientific too, right? Wrong. As it turns out, the catalyst is a magical light, passed on from one person or another through touch, it's about as scientific as Merlin joyriding Pegasus around Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The scientific side of Heroes has always been weakly reinforced, but the random addition of magic robs it completely of the credibility it never had, and is a dick move of the highest order.

The plot holes are growing larger and more numerous, and the potential Heroes had is slipping away. There's just no direction any more, and it's almost killed my enthusiasm for the series. If the final episode flops, it might be time to give up.

2/5

The sob story for the Pinehearst marine was rubbish, too. He sounded like he was from a bad Tom Clancy game.

Jesus Christ, these are getting long - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

Game Review: Prince of Persia

After the series' success during the last generation of consoles it was only a matter of time before Ubisoft Montreal, the developers behind 2007's Assassin's Creed, attempted to relaunch the Prince of Persia franchise. Could the new Prince live up to the standards of the old, or would he fall at the first great leap?

Prince of Persia is the standard Dark versus Light story, with the Prince and his partner Elika fighting to suppress Ahriman, the black, gloopy god of all things corrupt and malevolent. The Prince himself is, simply put, one of the most arrogant characters in any game, reinforcing just about every possible stereotype and without an ounce of originality or wit in his character or speech. Elika isn't much better, playing that irritatingly Disney-esque Princess - who's strength is apparently hindered by her tiny, beautiful shell - a character that has been used so many times that she is now entirely predictable. With the Prince and Elika being polar opposites there's a lot of banter throughout the game, usually revolving around asking and subsequently evading personal questions, or each character's philosophy on the world, perfectly regurgitated from 'The Clichéd Guide to the Inner Workings of Heroes and Heroines'.
Did I mention she could use magic? No? Well, you probably could have figured it out anyway.

However, while the characters may get on your nerves, it won't be enough for you to stop playing, thanks to Prince of Persia's excellent gameplay.

Most of your time playing Prince of Persia will be spent running, jumping, and falling down holes, in true platformer style, although somehow without the frustration and irritation that usually comes as standard in similar games. The platforming element is extremely well polished and refined, and Ubisoft have nailed the flow that can make other, similar games great. Admittedly, it can occasionally feel a little simplistic because you'll often be attempting similar, and fairly basic, challenges, and it's not nearly as frantic as other platforming experiences on the 360 (such as Ninja Gaiden II), so seasoned or veteran gamers may find Prince of Persia a little easy, at times.

Early into the game, you'll unlock Power Plates, which open up a whole new dimension of platforming - and the basic platforming is hardly restrictive! Running up walls and along roofs, being blown by divine winds across the world and even flight are all now possible, and despite the games inherent linearity, gives a fantastic sense of freedom. They add to the difficulty, too, as later levels require you to meticulously combine basic platforming with the power plates, resulting in an incredibly satisfactory spectacle.

Combat takes a back seat in Prince of Persia, and on the rare occasion it does take place you'll be locked into it, and forced to fight. When it comes to controlling the Prince in combat it's similar to Assassin's Creed, encouraging you to wait for the opportune moment before attacking your enemy. Unfortunately, while the combat is fairly enjoyably the first time round, it quickly becomes quite repetitive, as you'll only fight six different types of enemy, and most will be fought the same way. Also, once you've figured out how to effectively deflect attacks (which won't be hard, because half the time you'll be prompted), the combat becomes insultingly easy, and more a test of graft than skill.

The combat isn't the only thing that resembles Assassin's Creed...

As well as being important to the story, Elika also plays a very important role in the gameplay. As well as being used in platforming and combat, Elika's unique talents also prevent you from properly dying at any point in the game. Admittedly this isn't really different to any other game that uses checkpoints or autosaves, but having the game hold your hand so tightly does take the edge off the challenge. There isn't that pants-crapping panic after you've made the wrong jump, or the in depth planning of a difficult looking run, because you'll never be punished for it without as much as a snide remark. It's not something that more seasoned or veteran players are going to appreciate.

Even strong, independent princesses can't turn down a piggy back ride.

Prince of Persia boasts a unique art style, similar to a comic book. As you traverse the huge palace you'll be stunned by some of the views, and it only becomes more impressive as you play. As you gradually bring light back into the world, you'll be treated to incredible colours, which contrast the dark, gloomy worlds controlled by Ahriman beautifully. The musical score, too, is gorgeous, and again there is a noticeable contrast between the music for the light and dark worlds. It works perfectly in tune with the game's world, creating a superb cinematic experience.

Prince of Persia makes the leap between generations with style. While there are flaws, it remains a stylish and fun game, and arguably one of the best platformers on the 360. If you liked Assassin's Creed, this is definitely worth a look.

8/10

Then again, Disney is making the Prince of Persia film, maybe that's why the characters were ripped right out of Aladdin.

Still gutted he never unlocked the Assassin's Creed costume - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

TV Review: Heroes Season 3, Episode 11 "The Eclipse, Part Two"

There were high expectations for the second part of The Eclipse. But, despite following on from a solid and entertaining episode, there's always the possibility of a Heroes episode being just another disappointment. Hopefully, with the series seemingly going in the right direction again, this wouldn't be the case.

The episode opens with Hiro and Ando in a comic book store, owned by cameo kings Seth Green and Breckin Meyer. Believing he is still ten years old, Hiro frantically searches through the old issues of 9th Wonders, in an attempt to regain his lost memory. How 9th Wonders is still being published is still a mystery since the artist, Isaac Mendez, died over a year ago in this story arc. Maybe that one is best left unexplained. As per usual, the scenes with the ten year old Hiro are funny, charming viewing, and the cameos from Seth Green and Breckin Meyer (you know, that guy from er...what was he in again?) only add to the entertainment value.

We rejoin Sylar and Elle, who we saw through the sight of Noah's rifle at the end of the first part, curled up underneath a sheet after doing the super hero business. Despite having a perfect shot, it seems that the man with the horn rimmed glasses had instead opted for watching and having a brief self-fondle while watching the couple's antics. When he finally does take the shot (no, not like that), he misses, and is forced to give chase. Eventually he is confronted by a powerless Sylar, and wastes no time in kicking his arse and slitting his throat.

Meanwhile Claire, who has fallen into a critical condition, is dying in hospital, unable to repel the infections that swarmed through her body upon losing her powers. Nothing to do with the bullet wound though, obviously. Halfway through her stint in hospital, she codes and momentarily dies, in one of the most disturbing scenes in the show to date.

Conveniently, shortly after Claire and Sylar's death the Eclipse ends, conveyed oh-so-subtly with a hilariously overdone shot where the sunlight gradually creeps through the window onto Claire's unconscious body as she is revived. Conversely, the ending of the eclipse is a inconvenience for Mohinder, who finds his scales have regrown just as he is about to rekindle his relationship with Maya.

The eclipse brings back powers across the globe, which allows Nathan, Peter and the Haitian to fight their way in and out of Baron Samedi's military camp, saving the damsels in distress as they go. The fight scene raised a couple of questions; like when did Peter, a New York nurse, learn to fire a machine gun? However that question takes a back seat to asking why the hell the Haitian isn't included more in the series. Not only does he have a great power both in and outside of fights, he's a fairly complex and mysterious character, as well as being superbly portrayed by Jimmy Jean-Louis. Why he's constantly pushed to the fringes of the show to be replaced with girly-haired High School Musical rejects like West or yokel dullards like Flint is beyond reasoning.

With their powers back, Sylar and Elle do not hesitate in tracking down Claire, and hold the Bennet family hostage. At least, they do until Hiro Nakamura comically shows up and teleports the couple to a random beach. Then Heroes pulls off another one of it's famous dick moves, as Sylar decides that all his rehabilitation over the course of the season was pointless. Why does Heroes insist on developing characters or plots up to the point when it's about to get interesting, before doing another U-turn and wasting all of our time. There's no point, other than to continue to drag out the series with another season or two, and it's genuinely pathetic.

Even though the end of the episode was a heavy hint that the series is about to take yet another nose dive into the deep pits of mediocrity, the episode itself wasn't bad. It's a little heavy on the cheese sometimes, and as usual Heroes' trademark inconsistency is lurking around the corner of every scene, but that's to be expected. On the whole, it's still an enjoyable episode, and probably one of the better episodes this season.

3/5

Matt and Daphne also spend some time standing in a corn field talking about scare crows. Even the ass who wrote the Claire and West scenes was laughing at that.

Is thinking of starting a Haitian fan club - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

So, December then.

With my review of Mirror's Edge, I hit a personal milestone of 50 written reviews, which I'm very happy about. Mostly because I've proven to myself that I can actually commit to something, which I've never really been able to do before.

I've got a few reviews planned for this month, too. Prince of Persia, Sonic Unleashed, and some of the other big games from the pre Christmas rush are on my list. There's also some downloadable content coming out for Fable 2 which I'll be looking to review.

Then there's Twilight, a film coming out in the UK on December 19th, and I'm really looking forward to this one. Not because I'm a fan of the books, or because I liked the look of the trailers. But because I think it will be bad, which gives me an chance to try out some more comedic or cynical writing, which I love doing. There's also a new Wallace and Gromit film out this Christmas, and it would be criminal if I didn't do a write up on that!

I'll be continuing the written TV reviews as usual, but there's something that I've wanted to try for a while, and that's a video review of the entire third season of Heroes. I'll be going for a different angle with the video reviews than I would with a written review. The balance will still be there, but it'll be hidden under several layers of cynical and crude rantings, similar to Charlie Brooker's style on his show 'Screenwipe'. I'm not sure how it will turn out, but I'll try and make it entertaining.

Hope you've enjoyed the reviews I wrote in November, and I hope you like whatever I come up with this month. As usual, feedback is more than welcome!

Cheers,

Tom

The cumulative word count for my first 50 reviews is 40,816. Which is 10,000 less than what my girlfriend managed in her one month of NaNoWriMo. Damn...

Refuses to dress up as Mrs Clause this year...again - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

TV Review: Heroes Season 3, Episode 10 "The Eclipse, Part One"

The third season of Heroes is drawing to a close, and there is only so much more side swapping and line smudging to be done before the shows dramatic climax. With episode ten's focal point being a huge astronomical event, hopefully 'The Eclipse, Part One' could take place on a similarly impressive scale.

With Daphne and Matt experiencing trust issues, a lot of the episode is spent following the couple, joined by Ando and Hiro (who is still convinced that he is ten years old). While the romantic element is, as always, flat and clichéd, the presence of Ando and Hiro make the scenes infinitely more enjoyable. It's a reminder of how appealing the characters were in season one, back when they only spoke Japanese and when Hiro acted as if he was in a comic book. There are some quality lines and scenes, including one where Hiro flings corn at a bewildered Matt, and it's genuinely funny. And, for once, it's intentional. It doesn't do much, if anything, to advance the plot, but it's so entertaining you won't care.

Meanwhile, Sylar and Elle are attempting to track down Claire Bennet, the catalyst to the formula (which is possibly the most obvious plot twist in the entire series so far). Unlike Matt and Daphne, the relationship between Sylar and Elle is much more bearable, partly thanks to the characters themselves, and partly thanks to the depth and complexity of the relationship (even if it was made up to kill fifteen minutes of a flashback episode, it's still effective). The pair are constantly challenging each other, and the chemistry between the characters makes for great viewing, although the motivation behind the challenges is sketchy, at best.

The eclipse - the episodes namesake – happens halfway through the episode, and as a result everyone loses their powers. Why this happens hasn't been explained yet, although the scaly Spiderman is sure to deliver a half-arsed explanation at some point. With DNA, adrenaline, formulas, viruses and now the moon having some effect on the extra ordinary abilities, Heroes is rapidly loosing the credibility and believability that it barely ever had. If the show didn't insist on taking itself so seriously, this wouldn't be an issue.

The loss in powers forces Nathan and Peter, who are searching for the Haitian, to fall into the jungle. The conflict between the two - with Peter confronting Nathan about the future, believing that Nathan will join his father and destroy the world – is a nice reminder of the characters interactions in the first season, as the powerless but moral younger brother tries to help his corruptible sibling. Peter reprising the role that made him such a popular character in the first season is excellent, and it's a massive improvement on the supercharged, overly dramatic version of Peter that we've been subjected to for the bulk of season two and three.

Episode ten builds up the suspension well for the next episode, and has managed a steady balance between comedic and serious elements. Mohinder and his silly theories get a little too much time, but otherwise it's a solid, entertaining episode.

3/5

If you were wondering why Claire and Mohinder are barely mentioned in the review, it's because all Claire did is hit things with sticks, and all Mohinder did was waffle and cough.

Never thought he'd start to like Peter again - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

Game Review: Mirror's Edge

There was a lot of anticipation for Mirror's Edge on release. Possessing an original concept, with great visuals and gameplay to back it up, it didn't seem like a lot could go wrong. Could Mirror's Edge live up to it's potential, and become one of the best games of 2008?

In Mirror's Edge you'll assume the role of Faith, a free runner. After your sister is framed for murdering a politician, you'll use your skills to track down and kill the men who were behind it all, while trying to uncover a secret government project. While it's full of betrayal and conspiracy, it's ultimately unsatisfying. The twists are predictable, and the ending is just setting up for another sequel, never mind the fact that it's criminally short by any game's standards.

The key element of Mirror's Edge's gameplay is the platforming, which innovatively takes place in the first person. First person platforming hasn't really been attempted before, so it's all the more impressive that DICE have created a game that flows as smoothly as Mirror's Edge. The excellent control scheme allows you to move through levels with grace and fluidity, and it's an incredibly fun experience. It's has the potential to be incredibly frustrating, as to be expected from a platformer, but for the most part, it's an original, intuitive and smooth experience.

Oh, and don't fall down. That's probably the most important thing.

Mirror's Edge is also playable as a first person shooter. Since the emphasis is on movement, you'll never carry guns around, so you'll have to obtain them from disarming or knocking out opponents, and you'll have to be creative to get past groups of enemies in later levels. The shooting itself is average with larger weapons since they restrict your movement and slow the games pace. But, with smaller weapons, it's excellent, as you're still free to do all the stylish movements and actions that you're used to doing. With the handy bullet time (it's called reflex time, but it's not fooling anyone), this is probably the closest you'll get to being in The Matrix, it's awesome.

Unfortunately, once the initial novelty wears off, Mirror's Edge becomes irritatingly repetitive. Because you'll find the same guns, fight the same enemies and run around very similar, linear environments, Mirror's Edge quickly stops being a new, fresh experience. For something that has tried to capture the essence of parkour - the freedom of movement - to be so linear is a massive disappointment.

Hint: Wanting to use colours other than grey is fine... but replacing it with only one other colour doesn't really work.

There's nothing in the way of multiplayer either, which is a shame, because as you play through the game you'll realise just how excellent it could have been. All the ingredients for an excellent online multiplayer are there - superb player movement, slow-motion, a variety of guns – and it's so disappointing when you start to think just how cool it could have been.

The lack of multiplayer would have been forgiveable if the single player had any length or replay value. The story lasts approximately one hour if you aim for the speed run times (which aren't particularly difficult), and once you're done with them, all you can do is time trials on old levels. It's so underwhelming to have a game receive all this hype, and be beatable in two hours.

Once the story is done, all there is left to do is follow this red thing around the Time Trials. How exciting.

Mirror's Edge bears many similarities to Valve's excellent Portal, sharing both it's good and bad aspects. Both are original and creative, but both are incredibly short. But there's a significant difference between the two: Portal was the third game in the Orange Box, it was sold alongside Half Live 2 and Team Fortress 2, not as a stand alone game, which made the short length forgiveable. As a stand alone game, the flaws in Mirror's Edge can't be glanced over. There just isn't enough to it to justify the short length, or the lack of replay value. Or the price tag.

What Mirror's Edge has is good. The platforming is refined, the shooting is decent, and the graphics and soundtrack are genuinely beautiful at times. But it's all condensed into this neat little one hour package, which cannot justify the cost. It barely justifies the rent.

6/10

You'll probably get the full experience of Mirror's Edge by just playing the demo fifty times. Except that's free.

At least I didn't have to review another sequel - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

TV Review: Heroes Season 3, Episode 9

The third season of Heroes has been in a downward spiral as of late, thanks to it's irritating inconsistency, poor writing and mind numbing pretentiousness. But, with Heroes there's always the chance that it'll pick itself up again. Hopefully episode nine “It's Coming”(here come the double entendres) would be the beginning of Heroes dragging itself out of mediocrity.

After a few minutes of Mohinder's inane babbling (why isn't he dead yet?) episode nine picks up immediately from where the previous episode left off, with Rafiki decapitated and Hiro being tortured by Arthur Petrelli. But, while Arthur is distracted by a painting of an eclipse, Hiro and Ando make their escape, only to discover that, after having some of his memories removed, Hiro believes he is ten years old. It's hard to say whether this is a bad move or a good one, because while it's incredibly silly, it's simultaneously charming and amusing, and so long as it isn't dragged out, it's still a welcome break from Heroes' drama.

At Pinehearst, Arthur decides to teach Sylar to access his empathy (which he apparently had all along, and isn't just a random plot device, honest), and give him the ability to obtain other powers without his signature zombie-esque brain trick. To do so, Sylar must reconcile with Elle, and after being electrocuted to the point where he is left conveniently topless, he absorbs her powers through empathy (Peter Petrelli style). While the effects in this scene are genuinely impressive, the reconciliation between the characters looks to be leading into yet another romantic sub-plot, and we all know how bad Heroes is at those.

Meanwhile, as Claire and Peter prepare to go on the run, they are tracked down by Knox and Flint. In an attempt to protect Peter, Claire assures him that she has a plan, which turns out to be chatting to Knox and Flint for a while, before jumping out of a window. Good plan, Claire.

Matt and Daphne search for help at the Company, only to find Angela Petrelli, still in her coma. As Matt ventures into her mind in a bit to free her, Daphne alerts Arthur of Matt's intentions, leading to a confrontation in Angela's mind. While the scene is fairly cleverly shot, it's upstaged by the poor romantic dialogue between Matt and Daphne, as the couple openly declare their love. It's predictable, borderline nauseating, and a harsh reminder of just how bad the Heroes writers are when it comes to romance.

While it's an improvement on the previous episodes, it's become apparent Heroes isn't learning from it's mistakes. It's insistence on romantic sub-plots, weak plot devices and slow development (why has the line between heroes and villains only just been drawn?) makes me wonder if the show will ever reach the standards of the first season. There isn't even Dania Ramírez anymore. Boo.

3/5

When did Daphne fall in love with Matt anyway? She thought he was a stalker two days ago.

Is trying to think of synonyms for "inconsistency"- tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

Game Review: Gears of War 2

After the success of the first Gears of War, there were high expectations for Gears of War 2. With new weapons, multiplayer maps, and gametypes, it looked like Gears of War 2 was going to be a little more than the typical sequel.

In Gears of War 2 you'll reprise the role of Marcus Fenix, in the continued struggle against the locust horde. The bulk of the plot is fairly average, and most of it can be summed up with “Isn't everything manly”. But there are some surprisingly potent moments, which are genuinely well done. Seeing these tragic moments in a game such as Gears of War 2, which is full of senseless violence and gore, makes them all the more effective, and you'll find yourself actually sympathising with the characters. It might be a little cliché, but it's genuinely well written and cinematic, and not many games are capable of this.

The campaign's single player, too, is a significant improvement on the first game. While it stays true to the “cover and shoot” gameplay, the variety of environments and scenarios makes it much more enjoyable, and constantly keeps the gameplay fresh. The vehicle sections – which were the weakest part of the original – have been tuned up, and have become some of the strongest, and most enjoyable, parts of the game. The best of these vehicle sections are saved until the ending, giving Gears of War 2 one of the most frantic, destructive and enjoyable climaxes in any game on the 360.

At a glance, Gears of War 2 could be dismissed as a typical sequel. The emphasis was definitely on giving the player more; whether it be more weapons, maps, or shades of grey. But, instead of just being thrown in for effect, everything new in Gears of War 2 adds a lot of depth and variety that the first game didn't really have. It's resulted in a gameplay experience that allows you to approach the game as you see fit, depending on personal preferences or the in-game scenario, as well as constantly keeping the game fresh.

Real men use chainsaws

I didn't have a lot of opportunity to play the online multiplayer, because if you aren't prepared to cobble a team together before going into versus matches, you'll find that you could be waiting around for a while for a game, almost as if the game is punishing you for not having enough friends. Still, at least there's the option to play with AI bots, which more than makes up for this.

The reason I didn't have much chance to try the online aspects of the game is because Gears of War 2's Horde mode seemed to be the most popular choice when it came to the multiplayer. The mode has a distinct arcade-y feel, as you and up to four others battle wave after wave of enemies on your way to victory. As you progress, the enemies become stronger, faster, and more numerous, and while it may sound repetitive, it's also frantic, addictive, and damn good fun. Think “Geometry Wars, but designed by Leatherface”.

You think these guys look tough? Wait for the next wave...

One of the best things about the first Gears of War was the excessive amounts of gore, and that makes a welcome return in this game. For the most part, it remains unchanged. Chainsaws will still slice opponents in half, sniping an enemy will cause his head to pop like a balloon, and if you're hit by an explosive expect to find your head in a drain on one side of the map and your arse in a tree on the other. All this is good, and you can't help but appreciate it, but it feels like some elements of the gore have been toned down a little bit. Bodies no longer explode majestically when you hit them point blank with a shotgun, and you can't mercilessly slice up the corpse of an enemy in a grotesque victory dance, both of which were always hilarious and satisfying in equal measure, and it's a shame that some of the gore has been left out. But, since you can now shove a chainsaw up a Locust's arse, who am I to complain?

Ooh, isn't it gloopy

While most of the game feels well polished, there are a couple of glitches to be found, involving the cover system. Most of the time it'll work fine, but occasionally you'll find yourself not skidding to the cover, instead rolling into it and standing back up again. And while vaulting over cover, you may find that, instead of simply vaulting over, your character will ping several metres into open ground, which is a nightmare if you're under fire. But, fortunately these are the kind of niggling details that can easily be fixed with a patch.

Overall though, Gears of War 2 is a big step up from the first game. Everything that could have been improved in the first game has been. It may seem like a typical sequel, but once you start playing, you'll realise that Gears of War 2 is much more than that.

9/10

I used the word "climax" for a reason. It is just that good.

Instead of using a chainsaw, cowered behind his shield like a girl - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

Film Review: Quantum of Solace

Directly following on from 2006's 'Casino Royale', Bond's latest outing 'Quantum of Solace' is the first true sequel of the Bond series. After the success of Casino Royale, the series had set itself very high expectations. Hopefully, the bizarrely titled Quantum of Solace could deliver.

Quantum of Solace sparks into life immediately, as we find Bond (Daniel Craig) engaged in a car chase, shortly after the events of the previous film. After meeting up with M (Judi Dench) in Siena, the pair are betrayed by M's bodyguard, which kicks off the plot. Unfortunately, this is also the point where the film stops making any sense. It doesn't seem to know which topical subject it's trying to give a vague commentary on, alternating between civil wars, oil, drought and corrupt government organisations faster than you can say “Shaken, not stirred”. After Casino Royale, the plot is a bit of a let down, although with a title like Quantum of Solace, it's hardly surprising.

On the plus side, what the film lacks in plot, it makes up for in action and locations. As well as the opening car chase, there's also a boat, plane, and rooftop chase, all frantically paced and none of them unnecessarily drawn out. Bond has also stopped treating his body count like a golf score, instead opting for a more brutal approach, which is always engaging and gritty. The film seems to have taken more than a couple of notes from the Bourne movies when it comes to action and location hopping, and this is no bad thing, as it's resulted in a fast paced, action packed experience that, while occasionally clunky, is nevertheless entertaining.

While the performances in general are good, they all pale in comparison to Daniel Craig. After deservedly reprising the role after his excellent portrayal of Bond in Casino Royale, Craig is no worse in Quantum of Solace, with an great performance throughout. The man is an immense talent, and a true method actor (performing many of his stunts in the film), and his consistently great performances should convince any doubters that he is a more than suitable choice for the lead role.

While it's not going to please the hardcore Bond fans, who insist on clinging to their ideals of a stereotyped and altogether dated and predictable Bond, Quantum of Solace is still a good film. There are some flaws, particularly when it comes to the plot, but it's still a fast paced, gritty, and entertaining film.

3/5

Does anyone know what Quantum of Solace actually means?

Never really liked Pierce Brosnan anyway – tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

TV Review: Heroes Season 3, Episode 8

Heroes has always talked itself up as a fast paced, pulse pounding show, with ingenious plot twists and top quality special effects. But the latest episode “Villains” has none of that, instead deciding that, instead of advancing the plot, that having a tedious flashback episode explaining some of the underdeveloped minor characters was a smarter move. Oh yeah, this is going to be good.

After another pretentious waffle-a-thon by Mohinder (for fucks sake) we're treated to a scene with the Petrelli family, shortly before Arthur's faked death, and these scenes are the better parts of the episode. The performances are fantastic, some of the lines are just as good, and it's a nice reminder of how much better the characters were in season one - back when Peter was a nurse, and not Captain Drama-pants. What else makes the episode good is Angela Petrelli, and it made me realise that her character has quickly become of the better things about Heroes, probably because she's one of the few characters with actual complexity. Despite always playing the victim she's incredibly manipulative, and with her dark, troubled back story she's an genuinely deep and emotional character. It's a welcome change from the other Barbie and Ken dolls that have been generously dubbed as “characters”, when “over-dramatically positioned cardboard cut-outs” would probably suffice.

Next, there's a few scenes with Sylar and Elle. Turns out that, shortly after he forcefully acquired his telekinetic abilities, Sylar had a wave of consciousness and tried to hang himself. This is all well and good, but I'm starting to wonder where all of Sylar's changes of heart are coming from. He seems to make the extreme change from brutal killer to mild-mannered mothers-boy in a matter of seconds, and while it was fairly believable in the first season (because it wasn't written quite as ham-handedly) it's getting a little silly now. Then there's Elle who, as opposed to being a slightly masochistic sociopath, is now a sweet, innocent company agent. It's gotten to the point where I've given up any hope of the series maintaining any kind of consistency, although that doesn't mean I'm going to stop complaining about it.

Finally, there's Meredith and Flint, and I'm struggling to see what the point was in these parts of the episode. We all knew Flint was only included to be big, dumb, ugly and tough, but for some reason they felt the need to spend an entire episode reinforcing that.

The whole episode seems pointless, and while the hardcore fans who love the meaningless background knowledge will be satisfied, anyone who doesn't waste their time reading the online graphic novel is going to see the end credits and feel ripped off. It's also a sad reminder of how much better the first season was, back when Noah was a sinister agent, and when Peter wasn't an over-dramatic douche.

And to top it all off – parts of this episode are just clips from season one. If all they can come up with is a glorified clip show then this series has well and truly tanked.

2/5

If they had run the Simpsons' “Sorry for the clip show” song at the end, it would have been forgiveable.

Actually reads the graphic novel – tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

Game Review: Fable 2

Sequel to 2005's 'Fable: The Lost Chapters', Lionhead's 'Fable 2' was released with high expectations. With the critical and commercial successes of the prequels, could Fable 2 make a successful jump into the next generation?

Similar to the prequels, in Fable 2 you'll play through a hero's life, from their grief stricken childhood to their heroic, glorious adulthood. As the hero, you'll travel the world, completing quests and assembling other heroes in an attempt to save the world from certain destruction. Sure, it's been done before, but it's brilliantly told, with compelling characters, and witty writing.

While the storyline is fairly linear, you'll have a lot of choice as to how you approach the rest of Fable 2. Besides the obvious choice between good and evil, there are other choice that are made more subtly. For example; if you walk around a town kicking chickens, people might think you're funny. If you extort someone in the street, they will think you're corrupt. Eat all the pies, and you become a fat bastard. It's a superb, unique system, that allows you to develop a character to your liking.

Not all heroes will adhere to the stereotype.

Fable 2 has something most games don't have; an economy. I don't mean the basic trading that we're used to, I mean an economy that changes and develops based on your actions in the game. So, if you trade a lot in certain regions, or buy a lot of property, the regions wealth will increase. As the worlds wealth increases or decreases, it'll go through various physical changes. Very few other RPGs do this, but none of them uses quite as sophisticated as system as Fable 2 does.

As a hero, you're going to be getting into your fair share of fights, and fortunately Fable 2 has an excellent combat system to accommodate for all the action. With ranged, melee and magic attacks each assigned to individual buttons, the combat system allows you to alternate between different aspects of fighting effortlessly, and you'll find that the combat flows brilliantly. The combat is accessible and intricate in equal measure which means that, while experienced players can enjoy sniping a bandit's left bollock from a mile away, new players can do just as well by button mashing while wielding a giant hammer. The combat system is easily the best in any RPG I've played, offering a slick, flowing experience that is as deep, or as shallow, as you want it to be.

Every gun-toting hero needs a comical mask. It's just the rule.

Unlike other RPGs such as the Elder Scrolls series, Fable 2 allows you to focus on the social aspect, as well as the heroic aspect of your hero. The game allows for genuine social interactions with other NPCs that go beyond receiving quests, giving you the opportunity to develop a relationship with random characters. This gives Fable 2 a more personal feel, and really helps to immerse you into the game, much more than the prequels managed.

While Fable 2 has remained true to the original Fable in many respects, it does bring in some completely new features, and the easiest to notice – and arguably the best – is the dog. It sounds like a silly, pointless accessory, but it's easily the most useful, most intelligent AI in the entire game. Serving as a guide in place of a mini-map, a treasure hunter, helping you in combat and even doing tricks to match your expressions, the dog is a fantastic, and unique part of Fable 2. You'll grow a genuine attachment to it, which is a fantastic feat for any video game.

Another feature Fable 2 introduces to the series is the superb co-op mode. Allowing a second player to drop in and out of the game playing as the heroes henchmen, you'll be able to play through the entire campaign, online or locally. There are a couple of minor qualms, such as how you can only bring your character's stats into the henchmen and not their appearance, and the camera is, occasionally, a little temperamental. But otherwise, it's nothing short of excellent, and a great addition to the Fable series.

As soon as you step into the world of Albion, you'll notice just how beautiful Fable 2 is. The colours are a gorgeous mixture of vibrancy and subtlety, creating a world that has a fantastic, magical vibe, but always feels natural. The art style is equally superb, whether it's Gothic castles leering above you, or just one of the local prostitutes, it's incredibly well designed, and always interesting. From the dank bogs, to the bustling towns, to the lush fields, Fable 2 offers a visual experienced unmatched by any other game on the 360. It's simply stunning.

What isn't gorgeous about this?

To top off an already great game is the original music score, which is nothing short of perfect. Ranging from the slow, mellow music of Albion's lush forests, to the heavy drumbeat of combat, Fable 2 has ideal music for every situation. There's also some superb voice acting, with big names such as Stephen Fry and Zoe Wanamaker lending their talents, and as a result a little extra credibility, to the game.

Fable 2 is one of the best games you'll play on 360. Witty, beautiful and immersive, Fable 2 is a stunning experience that shouldn't be missed by anyone. A near flawless game, it is sure to delight anyone who plays it. If I had to choose a game of the year now, this would probably be it.

9/10

Oh yeah, did I mention that Fable 2 allows you to have orgies? Even if you weren't convinced by the review, I bet you are now. You dirty bugger.

Named his Fable 2 dog after his girlfriend - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

TV Review: Heroes Season 3, Episode 7

Pretentiousness makes an unwelcome return to Heroes with the seventh episode of the third season. You could see it coming from a mile off, with the title “Eris Quod Sum”. You know something is going to be stuck up it's own arse, when you have to translate the title from a Latin dictionary.

With Eric Doyle back at the Company, Claire and Sandra return home. But, as you'd expect from Heroes, their trouble is not over, as they discover Elle, the ex-company agent, overloading on her own electrical power. After a heated confrontation ending with a...um... water fight, Claire agrees to take Elle to Pinehearst, hoping they can teach her to control her powers.

This is the point that the bad writing kicks in. So far Heroes has managed to steer clear of bad writing, at least clear enough so that it wasn't so noticeable. But in episode seven, you'll really struggle to miss it. Whether it's the unintentional sexual innuendo, or just the poor attempts at witty dialogue – including an embarrassingly witless reference to The Wizard of Oz – it's clear that episode seven has some of the worst dialogue in the series so far. But, on the bright side, Peter exclaiming “You came for me” is unintentional comic genius.

At the end of episode six, you'll remember Peter Petrelli's powers were removed by his father, Arthur. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful that a powerless Peter will probably get a little less screen time. But in removing his abilities, they've thrown away the superb plot development, that was giving Peter Sylar's ability. Dicking around with good character developments seems to be something the Heroes writers enjoy doing – such as when Peter was imprisoned in the body of a villain, then taken out again the next episode – and it's starting to kill my faith in the show's plot. As if every time the show does something new and risky, it's inevitably going to wimp out. Maybe I'm just being cynical.

After confronting Nathan and Tracy while declaring that their fight wasn't over, Mohinder instead decides that, actually, it was. That'll be another opportunity for a superhero fight gone to waste, then. Escaping to Pinehearst with Maya, Mohinder agrees to work for Arthur Petrelli and help perfect the new formula, regardless of any hidden agendas. Considering Mohinder has been consistently bent over the lab bench and forced to fellate test tubes by the original Company for the past two seasons, you'd think he'd have learnt to stop working for these people. He must enjoy it.

Then there's Daphne and Matt, the Heroes love story, and for various it's quickly becoming as godawful as the Claire and West love story from the second season. Mainly because it's just so gosh darn cute that it's nauseating. That, and it's not nearly as entertaining as Daphne's bitchy Tinkerbell act from previous episodes. Still, at least we can make amusing size comparisons between her and Matt.

Eris Quod Sum is a weak episode, doing nothing to advance the series. It's a shame, the series looked like it was beginning to peak again. I guess that's Heroes for you.

2/5

Anyone else tempted to send Tim Kring an e-mail containing nothing but the definition of the word 'consistency'?

Would never come for Peter – tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

Game Review: Far Cry 2

Developed by gaming giants Ubisoft Montreal, 'Far Cry 2' hit the UK shelves a fortnight ago. Abandoning the science fiction element of the previous instalments in favour of a more realistic approach, Far Cry 2 was touted as the “true sequel” to the first Far Cry. But would it be able to live up to Crytek's acclaimed original?

The first thing you'll notice about Far Cry 2 is the environment, which is nothing short of stunning. Creating an environment as gorgeous as Far Cry 2's is an achievement in itself, but considering the huge scale and the fact that there are no loading screens, it's fair to say that Ubisoft Montreal have outdone themselves (no small feat after developing 'Assassin's Creed'). Whether you're skulking through the undergrowth, flooring it across the desert, or hang gliding over a valley, you'll be in awe at just how beautiful the world of Far Cry 2 is.

Sneak up on enemies while they're...ooh...that's a lovely sunrise...

A great environment is nothing without great gameplay to compliment it, and initially it seemed Far Cry 2 didn't have that. It moves slowly at first, and getting used to fighting in an open environment is a steep learning curve, especially since you're overcoming malaria. But, if you have patience, and persevere, you'll be rewarded with one of the best first person shooters on the 360.

As you complete missions, you'll be able to unlock and purchase more weapons, and as your arsenal grows, you'll be able to tailor how you approach the game to what suits you best. If you want to be subtle, you can try skulking through the undergrowth in a camouflage suit. Or you can just burn your way through the same undergrowth with a flame-thrower. The variety of ways in which you can approach the Far Cry 2 constantly keeps the gameplay fresh and, more importantly, fun. This is what makes Far Cry 2 great – the more you play it, the more fun it gets, and not many games are as fun as Far Cry 2 becomes.

Not everyone favours the subtle approach

On top of that, the single player is incredibly immersive, and this is thanks to the realistic approach. For a start, there's no HUD (Heads Up Display) unless you bring it up – by healing, picking up ammo, or checking your map – or unless the game is notifying you of something. Far Cry 2 is littered with similar equally brilliant and realistic features. As you're digging bullets out of your leg, frantically slapping a jammed weapon so that you can return fire, or just watching a herd of zebras scatter as you drive across the savannah, you'll realise that Far Cry 2 has reached a new level of immersion and realism. And you'll love it.

The only real flaw with Far Cry 2's single player is the guard posts dotted throughout the landscape, which are less of a hazard, and more of a chore. A repetitive chore at that, since you'll be encountering another guard post every ten or so minutes. The only way around them is to risk your car by driving off road, or by fast travelling to certain points on the map. But giving us this beautiful world to explore, then effectively forcing fast travel, feels broken. There are other, niggling faults in Far Cry 2, like people aiming in the opposite direction but still managing to land shots, or the foliage being so thick that you can't see your enemies, but they're still able to see you. But, with everything else about Far Cry 2 being as excellent as it is, these are forgiveable in the long run.

The map editor is Far Cry 2 is, by far, the most advanced map editor in any console shooter, and makes Halo 3's 'Forge' mode looks like toddlers building blocks by comparison. It's incredibly deep, with thousands of different features to edit - from the basic size and style of the map, to the time of day – and allows you to finally create your own, unique maps. An overwhelmingly brilliant feature, which raises the standard of console map editors above and beyond what Halo 3 did with Forge.

Making a drawbridge on Foundry stops being cool when you redecorate square miles of Africa.

Coincidently, the map editor has a massive impact on the online play. While ranked matches use default multiplayer maps, unranked matches allow you to download the host's customised map before the game, or to take your own maps online. It's a brilliant new feature, and while you'll have to wait an extra couple of minutes for a game, it's worth it to see what other players have created.

The multiplayer itself is nothing revolutionary, probably because all the revolutionary ideas were exhausted elsewhere. It's a class based multiplayer, with five different classes to choose from and upgrade, and four game types, which are simply variants of old, familiar game types (for example, Capture The Diamond works exactly like Capture the Flag). Ubisoft Montreal made a couple of bad decisions for the multiplayer – such as not allowing you to pick up dropped weapons – but as a whole, it holds it's own, and can be genuinely good fun. It's not about to knock Call of Duty 4 off it's perch, though.

While there are some flaws, Far Cry 2 is nonetheless a stunning game, easily ranking as one of the best single players I've had the fortune to play on Xbox 360. Don't let the slow start put you off, because eventually you will be rewarded with a slick, fun, and immersive experience. There's no restrictions, just a big box of toys, a huge playground, and no need to play nice. Play this game, because you'd be missing out if you didn't.

9/10

May or may not have spent 20 minutes chasing after a zebra – tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

TV Review: Dead Set (series)

The week building up to Halloween is usually a poor one for British television, as channels battle it out to see which one can churn out the most mediocre and mainstream horror movies within the week. Fortunately, E4 tried a different tact, instead treating us to an original five part series: 'Dead Set'.

Dead Set takes place during the early stages of a massive outbreak, which coincidentally happens during a Big Brother eviction night. With the production team focussed on the spectacle and the house mates isolated from the outside world, the epidemic hits them hard and fast. After the brutal wave of violence, the few remaining survivors band together inside the Big Brother house itself. The series draws many parallels with Danny Boyle's '28 Days Later', but the unique Big Brother factor gives an otherwise stock plot line an interesting spin.

With the a horde of flesh eating zombies on the loose, Dead Set is bursting at the seams with gore and violence – and when it comes to both, it doesn't pull a single punch. Whether it's Davina McCall's neck being ripped open, or a zombie's head being smashed apart with a fire extinguisher, the gore is always fantastically gruesome. Seeing this level of gore in a television series is increasingly rare, and while it's bound to put off the more prudish viewers, anyone who's ever appreciated a little blood and guts is not going to be disappointed by Dead Set.

The visuals as a whole are one of the series' strongest points. The lighting is nothing short of fantastic, and the hand held camera style (similar to the style in Cloverfield) really puts you in the moment. Both of these factors make Dead Set incredibly atmospheric, and easily surpasses the standards set by most television shows. Hell, it surpasses the standards set by most films.

Dead Set's cast is mostly made up of relatively unknown actors, but they put together a surprisingly strong performance. These performances make the characters incredibly easy to relate to and sympathise with, which is a massive achievement for any horror flick. A special mention has to go to Andy Nyman, who plays authoritarian, and borderline sadistic, producer Patrick, who's superb timing and delivery provides some genuinely hilarious moments, which are a great contrast to the horror or drama of the series.

Dead Set does almost everything right. While the disappointing ending feels like a complete cop-out, the drama, suspense and dark humour leading up to it is nothing short of excellent. Anybody who likes a good zombie flick should check this one out, especially if you're a fan of 28 Days Later. I doubt you'll be disappointed with Dead Set.

4/5

Like a good zombie flick, if you know what I mean – tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

And then there was the walrus with the AK 47...

A few months ago, back when I was toying with the idea of making a new site for the reviews, I asked a couple of guys if they would help me come up with ideas for a logo or banner.

Knowing the kind of random people I find on the internet, it was only a matter of time before someone suggested that my logo should feature a walrus and an AK 47. And here, thanks to invisibleninja7 / David, is the logo that resulted from that lengthy, intelligent discussion regarding large mammals and assault rifles.

Personally I think that it captures my large, toothsome, gun-toting essence perfectly. Top stuff, invisibleninja7.

Oh yeah, I should probably mention some review stuff, right? I've got a couple of game reviews lined up, including 'Far Cry 2' and 'Fable 2', and it's possible I'll be doing one or two more.

As for films, I'm looking to review the new Bond flick 'Quantum of Solace', partly because I love Bond, partly because I want to find out what the name is all out.

As well as the usual Heroes episode reviews, I'm planning to do a series review of E4's 'Dead Set'. If you haven't heard of 'Dead Set', it's essentially Big Brother meets 28 Days Later.

So there you go, hopefully you'll come back and enjoy reading the reviews when they're up, and I hope you've enjoyed some of my recent writing.

Cheers,

Tom

Tell me that you'd never waste your time e-mailing me - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

TV Review: Heroes Season 3, Episode 6

With the third season of Heroes gradually picking up pace, anticipation for high for episode six “Dying of the Light”. Hopefully this episode could keep the series heading in the right direction.

After weeks of speculation, the main antagonist of the series is revealed to be Arthur Petrelli, Peter and Nathan's father. Unfortunately, apart from a brief scene when he absorbs Adam Monroe's regenerating ability, he barely features, and after all the build up it's a little disappointing.

As it turns out, Ando didn't die at the end of the previous episode. Thanks to a quick move by Hiro – involving some fake blood packs and a toy sword – Ando's “death” is effectively faked, and Hiro is given his first assignment, and teleports with Ando to Africa, to find the painter from the earlier episodes. I'm still not sure what his name is, but since he lives in a hut, has a staff, can see the future and enjoys finger painting, I'm just going to assume he's Rafiki from the Lion King. The Hiro and Ando scenes are, as usual, entertaining viewing, but it's made even better with Rafiki's input.

Mohinder adds to his collection of victims by capturing Tracy and Nathan, although it's never really explained why. The show has completely brushed over Mohinder's motivation for why he's taking these people, if he even has one. A little bit of character development would be nice occasionally, but when it comes to Mohinder and the characters closely associated with him, this concept seems to be completely ignored. If they can manage it with the other characters (Sylar and Nathan spring to mind) they can manage it for Mohinder

After Meredith's capture by Eric Doyle – who has the ability to control people's physical actions – Claire and her mother, Sandra, attempt to rescue her from Doyle's eerie Marionette theatre. The scenes with Doyle are genuinely creepy, partly thanks to Doyle's sinister ability, and partly thanks to some of the great music and sound effects. Both this, and the scenes with Hiro and Ando, are a refreshing change from the romantic angle the show attempts.

The bulk of the episode focuses on Daphne, as she travels the world, recruiting for Arthur Petrelli. Her first assignment, Matt Parkman, is found at the airport, caged tortoise in hand (that he's still irritatingly referring to as a “turtle”), and he instantly starts waffling on about how he and Daphne are soul mates. And then Heroes tries the romance angle, something that it's consistently failed to do well over the course of the series. Some of the lines are genuinely awful, and Matt even pulls the “what does your heart tell you” line out of his ass. It's still not as bad as the god-awful dialogue between Claire and West in season two, but it's getting there.

It's a step backwards from episode five, but “Dying of the Light” is still decent. What it does well is irritatingly contrasted by what it does badly, but the quality is definitely there.

3/5

How come Meredith can't user her powers when she's around Eric, when her ability is controlled by her adrenaline levels, and not her physical actions? See, these loopholes happen when you try and explain things scientifically. Next time, just tell us it's magic.

Tell me that I'm racist for comparing an African man to a baboon - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk