Two reviews finished

Both Halo Wars and Resident Evil 5 reviews have been finished now, they'll definitely be up on the new site.

I'm currently working my way through the new Fallout 3 content The Pitt, if I get that done before the site goes up then you'll get that and Operation Anchorage as a kind of double header.

I've also got Street Fighter IV, I've been dipping in and out of that and must say I'm warming to it. That should be done, as well.

Everything else is a bit up in the air at the moment, but I'll try and get round to playing and writing about some other games and films before everything is up and running. Should be fun!

See you soon

Tom

Double Whoops

I feel a little silly posting this, since just at the beginning of the month I was babbling on about playing catch up and getting all these new reviews done, so I guess I need to explain things.

With Heroes, a general dislike of the show (if you haven't already guessed) and apathy to writing about it has kind of held me up. Not really an excuse, I know, so I'll pull my finger out and get all of them done next week.

As for games, I actually have a decent excuse. At some point in the near future, I'll be writing for a shiny new games website, and for the time being I'm holding all game reviews back until it's launched, so that we have a decent amount of content for the grand unveiling. In the meantime I'm working on reviews for Halo Wars, Street Fighter IV, Resident Evil 5 and HAWX, so you've got all that to skip to the end and check the score of. Yay.

In film news, I'll be seeing Hush on Monday, that will be getting the usual treatment.

So yeah, just and update to let you all know I'm actually doing stuff. Sorry for the delay, but you'll get a bunch of reviews at once to hopefully make up for it.

Cheers,

Tom

Game Review: F.E.A.R 2

Will you fear Alma again?

Following a couple of expansions on the original, the first true sequel to 2006's F.E.A.R - innovatively titled F.E.A.R 2 - has made it's way onto the 360. Could it reach the high standards of the critically acclaimed original, or like so many other sequels would it fail to live up to it's predecessor's success?

F.E.A.R 2 doesn't waste much time before hurling you head first into the action. As mute Delta Force operative Michael Becket, you're immediately tasked with rescuing Genevieve Aristide from a group of mercenaries, without really explaining who she is or why people would be attacking her, probably assuming that you've already played through F.E.A.R and it's expansions and know exactly what's going on.

The action itself is decent, although if you've played any other big name shooter on the 360 this is going to feel very familiar. F.E.A.R 2 attempts to do nothing new with the first person shooting; the weapons have simply been nicked from other games and re-skinned, enemies are typical grunting cannon fodder and your squad isn't much better, and just about every possible level cliché has been included, each one playing exactly the same. A bland experience isn't helped by the almost absolute lack of challenge. Not only will you be falling over ammunition and health packs for the entire game, but the enemy AI is incredibly simple - a real disappointment, considering how the original F.E.A.R's AI was so widely praised in the past.

Oh look, another corridor. At least this one has windows.

Occasionally F.E.A.R 2 will attempt to liven things up with a brief stint in an indestructible mechanical suit. While being given a mechanical suit with massive machine guns, rocket launchers and unlimited ammo doesn't do the weak difficulty curve any favours, it at least does what it sets out to do: quicken the pace and bring a little more spark to an otherwise lacking single player. But even these brief sequences stink of plagiarism, specifically the end of Gears Of War 2 when you ride the Brumak, and subsequently serve as a reminder of how much better some other shooters were.

What place do massive mechanical death machines have in a horror-themed shooter, anyway?

But, despite being a generic and, more often than not a repetitive shooter, F.E.A.R's renowned slow-motion combat does a lot to keep the latest instalment in the series entertaining. The satisfaction of watching the gas tank on the back of an enemy soldier slowly exploding and engulfing all surrounding soldiers in fire will always be there. Although, even though time manipulation is still one of the coolest (if not slightly over used) mechanics, it only weakens the already feeble challenge that F.E.A.R 2 presents. It certainly doesn't help F.E.A.R live up to it's name, either.

The horror elements of F.E.A.R 2's gameplay are, like the rest of it, a little bland. Apart from the occasional jumpy moment - which has the edge almost completely taken off by a near reactionary use of the slow-time mechanic - there's barely anything to it. There's very little, if any, suspense thanks to the apparently scary moments being both predictable and unsubtle. What developers Monolith don't seem to have grasped is that a couple of jumpy moments and some mildly hilarious gore doesn't constitute as real horror, which is a little sad considering that their bedraggled little mascot Alma was the perfect foundation for something genuinely terrifying (see El Orfanato for details).

It would have helped if they'd kept Alma as a child, instead of just making her a zombie cat lady.

It doesn't help that the alternation between horror and straight-up shooter is so clunky. You'll never experience both elements simultaneously, and with F.E.A.R 2 gently easing you into each supposedly horrific moment with the same dull process each time it's going to lose any possible chance of spooking you very, very quickly.

Once the story comes to it's unintentionally hilarious close all that's left in F.E.A.R 2 is the class-based multiplayer which is, well, bad. There's no other word for it. Having seen the criticism of the 360's big multiplayer shooters, all I can say is this - play F.E.A.R 2 online, because you don't know just how good you have it. It's understandable that with Xbox Live developers have an obligation to stitch on a multiplayer, but doing so regardless of how bad it will end up being is a complete waste of time, and that's exactly what F.E.A.R 2's multiplayer is.

Despite all criticism, F.E.A.R 2 is still not a particularly bad game. What it is is another generic shooter that began with a decent concept but, by trying to do or outdo what other successful console shooters have achieved, ended up forgetting to focus on what it was trying to achieve in the first place. Simply put: there are better shooters out there than F.E.A.R 2, which you can now pick up for a lot cheaper. This is a rental, at most.

6/10

On the plus side, this is the only shooter on the 360 that has you get laid at the end. Take that, Call of Duty.

Can't help but wonder why they didn't just call in Supernanny - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

Film Review: Watchmen

Will you watch the Watchmen?

There have been a few warning lights going off in my head every time the Watchmen film has been mentioned in the recent months. For a start, any film that's advertising campaign constantly reminds us of it being based on "the celebrated graphic novel of all time" was a reminder of all the other book to blockbuster adaptations that were commercially successful but otherwise stinking of mediocrity. Then there's the same adverts boasting that it's from Zack Snyder, the "visionary director" of the pretty but otherwise insubstantial graphic-novel based 300. Could the Watchmen prove any doubts false, and live up to the hype it's built up for itself over the past few months?

Everything starts off with a fairly loud bang when a retired costumed hero, known as The Comedian, is brutally murder by an unknown, but very well choreographed, assassin. It's a good start, but after this nothing significant really happens for well over an hour, leaving the opening half of the film feeling a little drawn out.

It's a good while into the film before everything starts kicking off, when the flesh starts coming out and the asses start getting kicked. There's enough bare arse on show to give the pre-pubescent bandwagon jumpers a trouser rocket for a week, provided they don't start prematurely leaking fuel as soon as the boobs get their few seconds of screen time. And of course there are the lovely fight sequences, which naturally look terrific thanks to Snyder's use of slow-motion, a technique used to great effect previously in 300. Where there is plot development it's not nearly as drawn out, giving Watchmen a much faster pace than earlier on. If only it had been like this for the first hour or so.

When it finally does come to a close, the ending of Watchmen is surprisingly satisfying, as it runs through the various flashbacks and seemingly insignificant remarks made by various characters and links them all together. As it turns out, there is still a fair amount of scenes that has no effect on the ending and could have easily been trimmed to keep Watchmen's pace up for longer, but since most of it seems at least slightly relevant, it's not all bad in hindsight.

So while Watchmen's story isn't too bad, albeit a little drawn out, it is the Watchmen themselves that make the film. The selection of unconventional and surprisingly original characters are well portrayed and are suitably complex, but by far the most interesting is the lead, Rorschach. The flannel-faced vigilante is just brilliant, ruthless and complex in equal measure, and as dark as the weird moving blotches on his mask. Maybe it's the trilby, maybe it's the coat, maybe it's the mask, or it could just be the gruff voice coming from it, but Rorschach is easily one of the best vigilantes ever to grace the big screen.

That said, while Watchmen is far from being a bad film, it's not about to shoot to the top of the "must see" list for 2009. The execution is generally pretty good; it's well choreographed, performed, and filmed, but it's just too long, and doesn't have enough going on to keep it entertaining for the whole three hours. It just begs the question why they didn't bin a couple of scenes from the final cut, considering they were willing to cut some of the scenes from the graphic novel. But still, overall it's an entertaining and near spectacular looking film, highly recommended if you're a comic book nerd looking for a darker take on the costumed hero genre.

3/5

A dirty mind may make Rorschach's flannel ink mildly hilarious.

Does not have a blue radioactive penis, but it will give you cancer. Wait, hang on - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

Game Content Review: Grand Theft Auto IV: The Lost and Damned

Last year Grand Theft Auto IV deservedly took it's place among the greatest games of the new generation, so it's unsurprising that the first set of additional content - The Lost and Damned - has received as much, if not more hype than most of the full games released so far this year. It's hardly unwarranted; pretty much everything that this series touches turns to gold, and 360 owners had similar expectations from Rockstar's latest offering.

With Rockstar describing The Lost and Damned's story as being "better than most modern media", you'd be forgiven for thinking that they'd let the success of Grant Theft Auto IV go to their head. But, to be fair to them, they're not wrong; The Lost and Damned boasts a better plot than most films, not to mention games or downloadable content. While the concept of an aged biker gang touring the streets and reminiscing about the good ol' days is hardly original, the execution is mired in grit yet bathed in style, worked into the original plot perfectly, and is made near perfect by a selection of characters brimming with originality, depth, humour and, of course, casual swearing. Hell if that isn't enough, Niko Bellic even makes a couple of cameos. If you enjoyed your first visit to Liberty City, then there's no doubt you're going to love this second honeymoon.

Like Niko, new boy Johnny Klebitz just don't give a good God damn 'bout no collateral damage.

The missions are essentially more of the same. You'll do a lot of driving, a lot of shooting, and more often than not you'll end up fleeing from the entire Libery City police force at the end of it; not that there's anything wrong with this formula, it's worked fine in every Grand Theft Auto game so far. But there are one or two missions that rank up there with some of the best missions in the original game, including a high speed chase through Algonquin that includes automatic shotguns, pipe bombs, and more casualties than you can shake a stick at. A really big stick. The only problem is that, if you haven't played Grand Theft Auto IV in a while, you might want to quickly familiarise yourself with it again before you dive into The Lost and Damned, because it's not exactly forgiving. There isn't an hour long tutorial to gradually introduce you to everything, you're thrown straight back into the fire fight, which does wonders for the pace but is going to catch you off-guard if you're a little rusty.

There are a couple of new side missions, which hark back to the old days when Grand Theft Auto was all about rival gangs kicking the crap out of each other and driving around like a nutcase. There's Gang Wars, which have you and a couple of other bikers drive around shooting whichever gang happens to get in the way and is a good way of earning cash and building up the strength of your gang. Then there are races, which is the standard "checkpoints and laps" affair, except now you're armed with a bat to smack every other rider (or unfortunate pedestrian) with.

Smacking someone in the face with a bat over Xbox Live never loses it's charm.

The Lost and Damned brings it's fair share of new content to Grand Theft Auto IV. Naturally there's a new selection of weapons - including automatic pistols, a grenade launcher, and the automatic shotgun referenced earlier - all of which do their bit to vary and freshen up the gameplay without ever feeling superfluous (are you taking notes, Lionhead?). There are a couple of new activities too, including arm wrestling and air hockey, which are a nice distraction when taking a break from murdering just about everything that wanders into your crosshair. Oh yeah, and Frankie Boyle now does stand up at the comedy club, to add to the list of foul mouthed Europeans. Now all they need is a welsh man with Tourettes syndrome shagging sheep in an alleyway and they'll have a full set.

A couple of the niggling issues from Grand Theft Auto IV have been addressed, too. For a start, you're not going to get phone calls every ten minutes from people begging you to play darts, which is always good. You'll also come across guns and money much easier too, allowing you to get stuck in much quicker than before.

Possibly the best thing about The Lost and Damned is that you're really getting your moneys worth, which makes a great change from the other lacklustre downloadable content that hit the Xbox Live marketplace recently. For 1600 Microsoft points you're getting more than you'd get for most full games for less than half the price.

The Lost and Damned is among, if not the best downloadable content on the 360. Fans of Grand Theft Auto IV (which I'm assuming is pretty much everyone who played it for more than two hours) are going to find themselves immersed from the opening scene. As if I need to reiterate what you're already thinking in your heads if you've read up until now - buy it, play it, and you won't regret it.

10/10

You only have to buy this once per console, too. Seriously Lionhead, take some bloody notes.

Paid far too much attention to the penis in a cutscene - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk

Whoops

After a really active couple of months February turned out to be a little bit slow, so I'm sorry for that. I've had coursework going on and the whole red ring o' death thing as well, so I just haven't really found the time to do stuff. Plus, the last two films I've seen were pretty damn difficult to write about, so I may have copped out and just played Call of Duty. Oops.

Good news is that I'm raring to get back on the figurative horse and I'm currently in the process of reviewing the new Grand Theft Auto IV content, the new(ish) Fallout content, and F.E.A.R 2. I'll be sure to catch up with new releases in the new couple of days and get as much written as I can.

Heroes is still on for reviews, I'll hopefully have two more of those done by the end of the week. Just a heads up: I'm not about to be nice about it. If I am nice about anything on TV, it'll be Desperate Housewives.

Oh yeah, and in case anyone is interested, I've been writing for over a year now. I started off last February with a review of Jumper, and I'm looking to celebrate this anniversary with a review of Push. I might get that done by the end of the week, if I'm happy with my progress on everything else.

Long story short: me write more.

Cheers for reading!

Tom

Why do I bother posting a link to my e-mail when there is a comments section?

I don't know man, don't ask me - tomdoodle16@live.co.uk